Holidays with nippers are an encapsulation of all that’s changed in your life. On the one hand it’s depressing, on the other you wouldn’t have it any other way. This is how things roll post-baby:
Tankinis. Embrace it.
Your child will largely eat crisps and ice-cream.
Farmers tan. Sunbathing = a distant memory. Aim to pick up a bit of colour pushing the buggy at nap time.
Imagine going ‘a bit Mediterrean’ on bedtime. Yet never have the guts to go through with it.
6 o’clock sundowners aren’t a holiday treat. They are a lifeline and they start nearer 4.45pm.
Wash-bag quota rises to 2 possibly 3.
A once extensive shoe collection is reduced to: flip flops, nice flip flops, heels to wear once.
Car hire is horrifying expensive. Accompanied by a feel that ‘those bastards are ripping you off’ .
Your heart will ache for the books you’ll never get to read. Or a flight spent flicking through trashy mags.
Goodbye Foodie Traveller. Hello English Punter spending £20 on Babybel.
Discover digging a hole on the beach is genuinely fun. As is building a sand castle.
If only the kids shared the same ‘ modernist vision’ for the sandy structure as you.
Spend approximately 3 hrs discussing starting a new life in the sun.
Approximately 1/2 hr looking in estate agent windows. (Confirm it is cheaper but not AS cheap as you hoped).
Approximately 48 hrs confirming THIS IS IT. This is actually going to happen.
Until approximately day 6 when you desperately want to get home and get kids back in a bit of routine.
Become your Mother: Daddy will do bombing in the pool Darling. Mummy will watch.
Declare henna tattoo and caricature drawings a waste of money. Just like your parents did.
Realise even when the kids are playing/sleeping (JOY!) you’ve lost ability to relax.
Instead develop a weird obsession with returning home with as much clean washing as possible.
Marvel at your babies with a kiss of colour on their cheeks.
Doing a hundred and one things you never knew they could.
Feel like the luckiest person on the planet.
Then immediately start planning your next trip. Ideally just a few days somewhere kid-free.