By Hollie de Cruz

Welcome to  a new feature on Mother of All Lists  called Guest List. Every few weeks I’m  a variety of wonderful women will share their thoughts in the form of a list

First-up is  Hollie de Cruz founder of London Hypnobirthing and the woman responsible for my amazing birth experience with Woody.

[AND since this list was published she has also created Yesmum Cards – genius little packs of positive affirmations for Mums].

Here’s Hollie’s list – ‘What I wish I’d known before I became a parent’:

 

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• That birth is an amazing experience. I was shitting myself until I discovered hypnobirthing. I wish I’d discovered I was born with a kick-ass piece of kit earlier on.

• That women who tell you how awful birth is – when you’re pregnant – are twats.

• That going slightly mental and chopping off all your hair with a blunt fringe to reclaim your identity is not a good move at 9 months pregnant.

• That breastfeeding isn’t as easy as the NCT make out. I prepared loads for my birth and assumed breastfeeding would be a synch. I wish I’d learned more about it, taken off the pressure, and spent more time laying in bed with my bub working it out.

• That your hair starts falling out when you stop breastfeeding. Why does no one tell you that this is NOT alopecia?

• That breastfeeding makes you hungry, thirsty and achy. Cake, tea and massages necessary on demand.

• That you talk about breasts a lot more than you used to.

• That newborn babies are pretty minging. And that you don’t realise until you’ve shared way too many ugly pictures of them on social media.

• That health workers do not know best. You know best.

• That it’s not a competition. Who cares if supermum’s little Carol is walking before your kid has even figured out they have thumbs.

• That you will never buy or wear cashmere again. Ever.

• That expensive toys are a waste of money. A key/toilet roll/empty packet of PomBears is way more interesting than a sensory orb that speaks French.

• That wide-strapped floral water resistant changing bags are a) overpriced; b) really ugly; and c) a trick to make you lug round a ton of shit you don’t need.

• That TV and crisps don’t kill children.

• That every time you’ve felt love in your life is nothing compared to what you feel for your child.

• That your usual polite and obliging self gets shelved for The Lioness if someone hurts or upsets your child.

• That your child will never want to wear the cool outfit you bought for them at that Swedish kids boutique. They’ll wear swimming trunks, mittens and a Darth Vader helmet.

• That your new found sense of pride, physical resilience and depth of love make you basically indestructible.