KID MILESTONES NOBODY TALKS ABOUT

MOTHER OF ALL LISTS

Sure walking, talking and potty-training are a big deal. But the little achievements along the way are pretty great too.

Forget Milestones,  here’s a list of all the ‘Mile-pebbles.’ you want to look out for:


The day they remember to clean their teeth on their own. It’s only twice a day, but wow its easy to forget isn’t it?

They day they sing a song that you never even knew they knew.

They day they say I love you. REALLY REALLY BIG DEAL.

The day they can sit through an entire Disney movie. Hangovers suddenly got a lot more ‘cope-able’ with.

The day they get a tiny duvet & pillow of their own. Tucking them in for the first time is absolutely certain to bring a lump to the throat.

The day you can buy them matching trainers to yours.

The day they first swear and you try to pretend you didn’t hear it and then they say it again and you know you shouldn’t laugh. But its fucking funny.

The day they can go in a Jumperoo. Handy hint: don’t let height hold you back, simply slip a couple of coffee-table style books under their feet.

The day they express their own style and appear to have a better eye than you (not including the days they insist on wearing crocs, nylon fancy dress outfits or, as per today, their t-shirt backwards).

The day they make you a Mother’s Day card or a pasta necklace or pick you a flower.

The day they first try lime/lemon. #LOZ

The day they perform in a play or carol concert (yup, teary at the thought).

The day someone else tells you what a nice/fun/polite child they are. Weirdly you don’t feel proud for you. You feel proud for them.

The day they say ‘Mummy can I come running too?’. Even though they are 2.5 years old and that wouldn’t work at all.

They day they get a joke. 

They day they get your jokes and you feel like Amy freaking Poehler.

The day they get a seat on a plane. Yes, you pay for the privilege, but boy is it worth it. Time to reunite yourself with the oddly fascinating world of the inflight-shopping catalogue.

The day they laugh at farts.

The day the bring you tea in bed.

The day they can pick YOU up from a party•. 

The day they dance. Is there anything cuter than a toddler dropping it like it’s hot?

The day they have enough hair to not look like Mr Potato Head.

The day they have enough hair to clearly identify their gender.

The day they can actually tell you what hurts (although the old ‘if in doubt Calpol’ rule obviously still applies).

The day they can start doing jobs. ‘Pass Mummy the gin darling…’

The day they remind you what’s important; by telling you to put your phone away.

The day they get a ‘party bag.’ AKA Mummy & Daddy’s emergency after dinner treat supply.

The day they understand make believe. Then start throwing out some proper crazy-concepts…  

The day they are better than you at something. 

The day they defend their younger sibling.

The day they do ‘sharing.’. Even though the look on their face says it’s the last thing on Earth they want to do.

The day they can wipe their own arse.

The day they tell you you look beautiful. Stuff of dreams.

•this is at least 16 years away but I already know its going to be great.

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