Next week I start The Body Coach. My ‘before’ picture is a depressingly bad. Especially because I am wearing my post-labour pants.
Problem is I love food. A lot. Because of this I’ve struggled with my weight on and off for as long as I can remember.
It’s difficult to know whether I’m a foodie or a fatty? A sure sign you are a bit of both, is when any of these apply to you…
You find supermarkets genuinely exciting places to be.
ESPECIALLY foreign ones.
Complain that the popper fastening on your Topshop dunagerees isn’t good enough. When perhaps its your waist isn’t good enough?!
Made organising the snack supply in your hospital bag a ‘high priority’ job.
Own as many condiments/sauces as pairs of shoes.
Fantasize about what it would be like to be reincarnated as a skinny person.
Have never ‘forgotten to eat’. Never. Even in the post-partum haze.
Thus the layer of crumbs covering your breastfed baby – Mummy was trying to eat cake one-handed.
Often think about whats for dinner during lunch.
Often talk about whats for dinner during lunch.
Encourage kids eat smoked salmon, avocado, houmous.
Yet they’ve never experienced the thrill of a Happy Meal.
Battle during lunchtime meetings. Unable to concentrate until you’ve got involved with the sandwich platter.
Put an extra fish-finger* in for the kids, knowing they you won’t eat it. But you inevitably will.
*the ‘posh ones’ obvs- “they’re better for the kids” meaning “they’re better for my belly.’
Consider Lindtt Seasalt Chocolate a ‘weekly essential’.
Going-out for drinks without dinner? Don’t let that force you to skip a meal. Simply sit down to dinner with kids at 5.15pm.
Are thrilled when there’s an unusual item in your veg box delivery.
Nibble on Orangix rice cakes/crisps. Yes they are bland. BUT when something that tasteless that you can basically forget you ever ate them.
Cake Premiership. Local cafes are, unknowingly, ranked in a league judged by the quality of their cakes.
Feel genuinely inspired by the ‘whole French kids and food thing’. Errr hello, they serve a cheese course at nurseries?!
Mainly exercise so you can eat more.
Canape dam. Form a human blockade at weddings to ensure you get maximum ‘mini-burger’ action.
Feel overjoyed by a full fridge.
Swear your kids will never be fussy eaters. Until you actually have kids and you realise there’s bugger all you can do about it. Beige food anyone?