All My Thoughts About Returning to Work

It's in the diary, that means it must ACTUALLY be happening...

It’s in the diary, that means it must ACTUALLY be happening…

It’s my last week of Mat lLave, and all can do is think about how everything is my ‘last’ – last Monday on Mat Leave, last time at  the class with the drums on Mat leave, last horrendous nappy, last Bake-off of Mat Leave. It’s absurd and quite frankly a waste of my last week of Mat Leave.

Here’s ALL the other, slightly mental, thoughts I’m thinking about returning to work:

  • Should I have waited till he was 1?

  • He is still so little?

  • Err no he isn’t,  he is a unit. And he is crawling – he is ready to explore.

  • How the hell am I going to get out the door 8 o’clock?

  • How the hell am I going to get me and 2 small humans out the door by 8 o’clock?

  • Why don’t I get new shoes and a pencil case? That would be excellent.

  • Why does it feel like I am basically giving up my children?

  • How many emails are there going to be?

  • What happens if I don’t get any emails?

  • Can 3 days a week with my children possibly be enough?

  • I know I enjoyed worked last time, what if it’s different?

  • When the hell am I going to do the food shop?

  • Where’s my oyster? 

  • Oh no I don’t need one. Hello contactless. How am I going to remember to stop worrying about where my oyster is now I don’t need it?

  • Hope I have a good desk…

  • What if I can’t do my job any more?

  • I don’t want to be defined as ‘her’ with 2 kids..

  • But I’ve got 2 kids and absolutely has defined me…

  • And what about THAT person who hates working mothers.

  • And what about the panic of having everyone’s eyes on your back as you get up to leave at 5.15

  • And what about having to run for the train. 

  • And what about having to run to nursery

  • And what about having to HOPE that yours isn’t the last kid left there.

  • What should I wear?  – whats even fashionable any more? 

  • Can I still take baby wipes with me? 

  • IS getting pregnant again an option? No. No .No. Maybe?  NO!

  • Why I am doing this?

  • For myself, to use my brain.

  • To prove that people DO go back to work after two kids.

  • To be a role model. A stay at home mum is such a hard job, but I want to teach my children that Mummy’s go to work too.

  • To fly the flag for working mums.- yes we might leave at 5.15 – but we won’t turn up hungover (only sometimes), we wont go for long pub lunches, and we are THE single most efficient group of people you.will.ever meet.

  • to enable my family to go to nice places and buy nice stuff.

  • to pay the mortgage.

  • What if cry?

  • You won’t cry. You only cry out of anger and hormones and when you are overtired.

  • Does this make me a heartless bitch?

  • What if Woody cries? He won’t. He’ll love it.

  • Does Woody not crying make me feel happy or sad? Or both?

  • Remember, you love everything that nursery brings: independence, social skills, and them coming home with bits of art.

  • What about the blog? What about the blog? I’m still going to be a mum with shit to say.

  • What about the Mothers Meetings Crew?! I think they are proper friends now. In fact I  am sure we are. And I bloody love it. Phew.

  • Think how nice it will be to put on an outfit and not have it covered in weetabix or bodily excretions by 9.45am.

  • And not be just someone’s mum.

  • And to check social media at lunch.

  • And to eat sushi.

  • And to finish a conversation you started.

  • And to use your day-off with the boys to do fun stuff. No supermarkets, no just another day at home. A day dedicated to them and you  -yay!

  • Remember the best advice you have been give and have shared:

  • 1) kids don’t wear a watch or own a diary. They don’t know that you’ve gone 6 hours. Or that is 3 days until you get to hang out again.

  • 2) You may have had ages months off and feel like the whole world has change. BUT for everyone else life has just gone by. (In fact there’s strong chance of going into a meeting to discuss precisely the same thing you were in a meeting  discussing this time last year).

  • 3) When shit hits the fan being a working mum is double-hard. But on the days when you nail it at work, then come home to the excited squeals of the human you grew – then its double good. Or maybe even triple-good.

  • Plus, “I missed you Mummy” breaks your heart. But how nice is it to be missed?

Anyone else returning to work soon? How are you feeling? Also anyone done it after number two -What was that like? 

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  • Reply Gemma September 10, 2015 at 2:56 pm

    This just popped up in my inbox at work… totally sums up all the feelings I had / have – love it! THANK YOU x

    • Reply Peckham_Mamma September 10, 2015 at 2:59 pm

      Somehow its reassuring to know that other mamma’s are in the same boat.

      I’m doing some mumbathing- clinging on to the last 1.5 days of mat leave…..

  • Reply Jo September 10, 2015 at 9:17 pm

    This is like I emptied my brain out! So brilliant (just like all your other lists) and can completely identify. Going back in a couple of months after my second 😁

  • Reply Alpine Mummy February 17, 2016 at 10:42 pm

    I did it after number three and surive. My kids are ALWAYS the last ones to be picked up from childcare. And I’m still not sure whether to be proud or ashamed that they clearly don’t care… I did basically give birth to a third sprog to get another year off work. Won’t be doing that again! Good luck! Great read 😊

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