A Mums Guide to The Body Coach: Cycle One

I’ve become a THE BODY COACH bore – After months of lurking on his instagram during breast-feeds I finally committed.

Now 3 weeks in to his 90daysssplan and I can ‘hand on heart’ say I love it.  And that’s saying some thing who wrote this post entitled “Foodie or Fatty?” a while back.

Here’s my warts n’ all Mum’s guide to The Body Coach:

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• Taking your photos will be incredibly depressing.

• How the hell have I a) ended up looking like this? b) been allowing myself to walk around looking like this?

• But, I figure, the worse you look in the beginning the more room there is for transformation?

• You are probably lop-sided.  My bicep was 1cm bigger on the side I lug the kids around on. 

• The plan can take 10 days to come through. Use it as an opportunity to eat and drink EVERYTHING – it happened to coinside with a trip to Devon: cream-tea. Fish ‘n Chips. Cornish Pasty (well you know). Lots of booze. Call it a Last hurrah.

• Then The Plan arrives! – it’s on the one hand simple: loads of protein, only eat carbs after exercise, 3 meals, 2 snacks. But somehow baffling. I’ve read it at least 4 times.

• Yes you have to measure your food. Every. Single. Meal. 

• Yes you have to drink protein shakes. Unfortunately they’re vile. But you soon learn to open your gullet and get it down you – oi oi!

• You need eggs. Alot of them. We bought 48 in this shop – 48! I try not to think about it because its weird.

• The exercise is hard. But it’s 25 minutes? 25 minutes that’s over really quickly. Think of it compared to labour.

• You don’t need much space. Can’t be an excuse.

• How about finding the time? I do it while the kids are having breakfast, I encourage them shout ‘go Mummy go!’ – between mouthfuls of cereal.

• Plus, Joe Wicks very easy on the eye. Looks like a greek god. Sounds like someone you can have a right laugh with. BONUS

• But if you need to ‘stray elsewhere’; try Fitness Blender on Youtube- “HIIT Like a Girl” is badass.

• Join the –THE UNOFFICIAL FACEBOOK SUPPORT GROUP  – full of genius tips eg. how to turn the ‘spermy’ low-carb porridge into biscuits.

• To be honest, some of the food doesn’t float my boat. A pile of turkey mince? No thanks.

• BUT there are plenty of genuinly delicious things:

• Chicken satay is a game changer. Pancakes. ‘Steak and Chips’ – all good with me.

• You are allowed coffee and tea. But you might not NEED it. My 4 coffee a day habit is now a 1 cup of tea. That’s £60 saved already.

• What about booze? No you can’t drink. But as Joe says “life is for the living.”  I had a wedding week 2; so I did the sensible thing and drunk 20 pints of prosecco on an empty stomach.

• BUT I got straight back on the plan the next day inspite of the hangover. Small victory.

• PMT is tough. Invest in  chocolate protein balls. If you close your eyes you can just about pretend they are Maltesers. Or the cardboardy-cousins of Maltesers.

• What else? It’s has been more emotional than expected (isn’t everything these days?). I’ve learnt: 

• How much stepping on the ‘sad step’ dictates my mood for the day.

• That I have an inbuilt reward scheme. Hard day with the kids = a slice of cake. Long week of work = nice lunch out.

• Thats it ok to eat ALOT provided you are eating the right thing.

• That blood-sugar crashes are not the same as genuine hunger

• But positives (so far) are:

• Mum-tum is shrinking.

• I’m unusually clear-headed.

• When people say you look well I no longer think ‘do they mean fat?!’

• My skin is the best it’s been since…. well, ever.

• Trumps. Guffs. Bottom-burps. Whatever you call them I have been farting WAY less. I may let one slip during a deep-squat . But apart from that I’m parp free.

• Haven’t knicked a single fish-finger from the kids.

• Am I the only person who likes my deflating boobs? Bring on the spaniels ears.

• Categorically believe it is not a fad diet. It’s an education.

• £150 is such good price: expensive enough to make you committ. 

• AND when you are liking yourself a bit more, you can cope with the kids a bit better. (No glimpsing  yourself in the mirror bit at softplay and cringing)

• Time to start digging out some of the clothes I thought I’d never fit into again…. and boy does that feel good.

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** UPDATE** AS PROMISED HERE ARE MY BEFORE AND AFTER SHOTS FROM CYCLE 1:

I’M PLEASED TO SAY THERE IS NOW 3.5KG AND 12 INCHES LESS OF ME. BRING ON CYCLE 2.

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