Thank you to My Eldest

Today is my eldest Bertie’s third birthday. As always I have spent most of the day and yesterday and tomorrow being an emotional wreck.

In the moments of self-doubt I question if he and his bro will grow-up to hate that I have documented their lives so openly on social media…. Who knows? Personally, I’d love to be able to flick back through my childhood in such detail. Like reading old diaries, but better, but only time will tell whether they will feel the same.

Here’s something I really hope he will read one day:

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To My Big Boy, I’ve got SO much to thank you for, so here goes:

• Thank you for bearing with me as I try to figure out this parenting malarkey. As the eldest you are the Guinea Pig. Which can be tough gig sometimes. But I wouldn’t know how to be a Mother if it wasn’t for you. 

• For never showing a scrap of jealousy towards your brother. Quite the opposite – you should him unconditional love in the face of his rascalish ways. 

• For loving smoked salmon. A total bonus to always ‘have’ to have it in stock.

• For being incredibly perceptive. A hand on the knee or a ‘mummy why you sad?’. The ultimate pick-me. 

• For loving painting and drawing and creativity. You look ALOT like Daddy, but your reaction to a new craft project proves my genes are in there somewhere.

• For healing me. You and your bro have done terrible things to my pelvic floor. But made my heart feel full. 

• For teaching me about priorities. It’s so liberating to be able to say that THIS is all that matters. My little family comes before anything. 

• For binding Daddy and I together. Though there have been some tough times (not to mention him really bad at realising the pile on the stairs needs to actually go upstairs) when it comes to parenting we are totally aligned. Together, we are utterly comitted to trying to bring up human beings who are better than the some of our parts. 

• There’s no positive way to spin the lack of sleep. It’s been shocking. Little did we know on this 3 years ago that that would be the last decent keep we would have for a LONG time.

• For carrying off a terrible haircut  with swagger. Even asking after we we have been in wind or rain whether “your hair cut is still here.”

• For thinking that the remote control is called ‘The Fat Controller’, that Father Christmas is in fact ‘Farmer Christmas’ and when asked your name is ‘Albert Bertie Bum Telford.’

• For loving the guitar. PLEASE may you be musical. 

• For giving me an outlet for all my feminist beliefs. It’s not just about empowering the girls of your generation, you boys can really shape how the next chapter looks for gender equality to… 

• Thank you for, currently, being more into superheroes than dinasaurs. I think I’d struggle with those long names. 

• For getting it right. Brave but not fool hardy. Good but not a suck up. Cheeky but not naughty. Kind but not one to be taken for a ride. It’s a difficult balance, but you instinctively get it right. 

• For making me get a grip. I’d have you dressed head to toe I’m monochrome. You are having none of it. 

• For teaching me to chill-out. When should we give up the dummy? When should we potty-train? When you should we get a big bed? While I was busy worrying – you already had the answer had the answer up your sleeve.

• Thank you for the best most redefining, life-altering 3 years ever.

• Mainly thank you for being you. 

• Keep it up dude, you rock.