Mush’s Guest List: The Do’s and Don’ts of Being an Epic Mum Friend.

Katie Massie-Taylor and Sarah Hesz are the founders of ‘Mush’.  A super clever app that’s basically Tinder for Mum’s. It enables you to connect other parents in the area who have kids of the same age as you. Smart huh? No more trying to pick up a Mum pal is the playground! (phew).

Here the pair share advice on ‘The Do’s & Don’ts of Being an Epic Mum Friend.’

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Mum friends are arguably the most important thing in your life when you have small children and are spending a lot of time at home. And you will come to recognize loads of mums with whom you comment on the weather/ outfits/ new toys as you pass on the street/at playgroup/ at nursery drop off/ at supermarket, but the mum friends that count are the nitty-gritty, you make my world go round type. So here’s some tips to taking your mum friendships to next level.

• Do ask them about them, not the kids. Whilst we all care what time little Tommy got up this morning, try and squeeze in a question that gets you closer to the pre-mummy in them. Where did they travel? What was their degree? Who was their first boyfriend? The salacious stuff we all really care about (or is that just us?)

• Don’t judge when they do something that’s text-book questionable. I genuinely can’t think of anything non-violent that would make me think less of a mum. Because we all do what we need to do (and I’m too busy handing the iPhone and sweets to my three year old to notice).

• Do put tv on when their kid is acting up on a play date. Even if you don’t normally because your kid gets sucked in like a zombie and only returns from the TV coma after a night’s sleep and three jigsaw puzzles- recognize they need the break.

• Do make them local. The bestie that has kids the same age but who you don’t see for months at a time aren’t actually mum friends at all; they are pre-mum friends (or just friends). Mum friends are women you spend all afternoon with regularly when with kids, and they need to be a walk away. They also need to like the same stuff as you and be on the same work/home wavelength. Sounds difficult to find but it’s not – luckily there’s an app for that.

• Don’t expect a long reply from the message you sent them (for a few hours). And if you do get one back quickly, expect a shed load of typos.

• Do arrive with cupcakes when she’s hungover. Doing small children on a hangover is quite simply torture, and she is going to need sugar and reassurance to overcome the exhaustion/ self hatred that she is feeling. Arrive pumped to save her day and make her feel normal.

• Don’t mention the big bump on their kids’ forehead. Or the sick on her top, or the mismatched socks/ earrings, or the fact that she has arrived with dirty knickers stuck to the Velcro of the scooter handle (true story). She doesn’t need reminding that her life is a series of small fails (with the odd big win)

• Do hold their needy baby when they are going to the loo. It takes friendship to another level when you take charge of their children, no matter how short a time. There are only a few mates I would ask, so fast forward that friendship and offer to have the baby to give her a break (whether for a loo trip or dinner with her bubby)

• Do give them water & cake if they are breastfeeding and can’t move. If they could have that message plastered to their head at this stage without looking like a numpty, they would.

• Do reassure them that just because their mum says the dummy will lead to an ASBO, it definitely won’t. Times have changed. Sucking no longer sucks.

• Do admit that the cupcakes you made came from a box. Be honest generally. Let’s none of us pretend we have sex every night, are on top of our life admin, know our current affairs.  We are all patching together vague relationships/ knowledge in this period of our lives.

• Don’t raise your eyebrows at her maternity bra two years after she had the baby. They are seriously comfortable, and you understand that comfort trumps sex appeal, especially on a weekday, especially when you are tackling small children. Perhaps give her a little nudge if she tries to wear it on your mums’ night out.

•  Do let them rant about their partner.Let them take it out on you so they can try and at least be polite when he gets home, or greet them without sneering.

• Do listen to them lengthily debate the difference between having Friday vs Wednesday as their day off. Or other mundane, would bore their non-mum friends to tears conversations, even though you’re pretty sure [whatever it is that is worrying them] makes no difference and it’ll change again soon.

• Do take snacks to the playground and bring them out when their kid has a tantrum.My most dependable mum mate goes nowhere without a drawer of confectionary in the top of her buggy.  And I have since taken her lead (though I tend to eat them instead which is counter-productive on many levels). Can you imagine the superhero moment as you approach that half-mum-friend with her grazed knee toddler proffering a jelly snake?

• Friends for life I recks. Oh go on then, the toddler can have one too.