What it’s Like When You Are The First of Your Friends to Have a Baby.

Screen Shot 2018-07-31 at 21.29.33.pngAlex Holder is Acting Content Director at ELLE UK. When she shared this list it sent shivers up my spine. Ben and I were the first of our mates to have kids and, I’ll cut to the chase, it was  shit and lonely, I cried often about feeling out-of-sync and misunderstood. The good news (for me) is they’ve all now popped out nippers too. So everyone’s FINALLY in the same boat (by boat I mean ‘up shit creak without a paddle).

Alex’s account is spot on:


  • When you tell people you’re pregnant their reactions range from ‘On Purpose?!’ to the more blatant ‘Are you going to keep it?’

  • Cass is now a year old and people will still say ‘Were you actually trying?’

  • Everyone wants you to come to the pub pregnant but no one wants a sober pregnant person still there at 10pm.

  • You realize that previously you socialized in 12-hour chunks – lunch would turn to dinner which would lead to a 3am huddle in someone’s kitchen.  You now have 2-hour slots to see people and wonder how that will ever feel like enough time to catch-up. To be honest, it never quite does.

  • None of your friends understand why when you’re pregnant you need the father-to-be to stay in with you on a Friday night.

  • ‘But, Mark can still come out right?!’

  • ‘Er, no he can stay in and research prams with me’.

  • You have to accept that when you can’t see your friends for those 12 hour benders, the only time you will see them is after they’ve had 2 hours sleep and need a cuddle and a nap on your couch.

  • You realize hungover people are incredibly flaky.

  • People ask your age and you then watch them have a think and work out that 32 is a perfectly reasonable age to give birth to a child.

  • And then you see that you’re only a couple of years off the NHS labeling you a ‘geriatric mother’.

  • And that most of your school friends have already spawned 2 or 3.

  • You become parents to all of your friends not just your kid. Mark and I answer to Mum and Dad a lot and Cass can’t talk yet.

  • Your friends are genuinely interested in your baby. They’re not just a new person; in their world babies are an entirely new concept.

  • Like losing your virginity first, you get a smug feeling that you’ve struck upon life’s gold a little before them.

  • Cass has a lot of very fun ‘Aunties’ and ‘Uncles’Screen Shot 2018-07-31 at 21.29.46

  • Cass has received insanely wonderful, super stylish gifts. He spent the summer in a tiny tasteful poncho bought for him from Mexico and he was made a bespoke leather bondage mask for his first birthday.

  • Those post midnight friends of yours? Well, you’ll never see them again, and if you do, eighteen months later on a rare night out, it’ll be really awkward.

  • You feel very lucky that you have this new wonderful life as a parent, but also that your old life is still there fairly unchanged. It’s not like all of your friends have given birth and moved to Brighton.

  • An evening baby sitter is pointless; unless I’ve got someone for the morning duty I stay in.

  • That Friday evening group text ‘Spurstowe at 8’ can still sting.

  • But the morning cuddle followed by a messy breakfast for three with ‘Saturday Kitchen’ on the TV makes up for it.

  • The other first time Mum you meet who understands both your old life and your new one, who you can be both Mum-Alex with as well as pub-Alex, well, for a time she becomes all your friends at once. Find one other first time mum you like.

  • It’s actually quite wonderful that your friends have no idea you scooped a poo out of the bath before coming to the pub and talking nap times with them just isn’t an option. It stops you becoming just mum.

  • Also as none of them have kids it means they’re occasionally willing to look after yours and you can still join them in the pub on a Sunday afternoon without creating a buggy carpark.

  • In photos of you and your friends you can spot you’re the only one sporting Mum bags under the eyes.

  • Don’t expect all your friends to go on a crazy one just because you have a babysitter, they were probably out until 2 last night so lower your expectations.Screen Shot 2018-07-31 at 21.29.40.png

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3 thoughts on “What it’s Like When You Are The First of Your Friends to Have a Baby.

  1. Ha totally spot on. When they eventually catch up and start popping out their own you get a lot of why didnt you tell me/talk to me about (insert horrific child related anything here) erm…well… you were sunning yourself in Marbella partying til 5 I didnt think you would be an oracle on breastfeeding/postnatal depression/weaning/tantrums and I didnt really want to depress you! Love being the otherside of the first time curve and am both proud and sad that its a lonely tough crazy empowering path to carve to go it solo and they’ll never really have that x

    Like

  2. This is so spot on! Last time I was in the Spurstowe I was asked to leave because ‘babies can’t be in here after 6.’ Worst pub rule. Great read! X

    Like

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