Our Adoption Story

Adoption stories make me emotional, because they are such a special, unique journey. I love the idea of destiny and people who suppose to end up together.

But it’s not all fairytale stuff. You see, parenting is challenging, but doing so with child who has not been given an equal start in life, means the difficult bits all the more extreme.

This list from a Mother who needs to remain anonymous, sheds light on the whole picture:

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• My son was born to a woman who did not have the skills or support to safely raise her own children.

• The enormity of this weighs on me often, but I must put it aside most of the time.

• It was most definitely love at first sight. His gorgeous eyes and curls. He was going to be mine.

• My son was brain damaged in utero by stress chemicals, drugs and alcohol. He also has genetic neurodisabilities, namely Autism and ADHD.

• He was, I believe, let down by the care system responsible for him before he came to us as a young toddler. He was a sad, scared little man.

• He really looks and can present, sometimes, as any other young child does.

• But he’s not. The world is not a safe place in his eyes.

• I love my son absolutely and desperately. I am hugely (maybe over) protective of him.

• At the same time I acknowledge that he is a difficult child to manage.

• My eyes have been opened to the unimaginably complex world of disability/SEN. We all have equal opportunities? Rubbish.

• I myself have been labelled as anxious and difficult.

• Sometimes I wish I could pick us up and go hide on some island with only animals for company.

• Or send him to a lovely special school where his needs will be understood better.

• But then I wonder if I will have done my job, to try and see my son find his place in the community.

• He desperately wants to be loved and accepted, as any child does, his behaviour makes this difficult.

• And yet this needs to happen so that he can let go of some of his fear of the world. We privileged, perceptive adults need to show we love and care for him despite his troubles, before he can begin to trust.

• He needs near constant supervision and support to manage in social situations.

• I’m sorry that he can sometimes physically and emotionally hurt other children, really sorry.

• He also hurts me, sometimes seriously.

• However, I’m unlikely to explain his difficulties to you in this situation if you confront me, he is lashing out because he is confused, hurt and scared. His first relationship did not set him in good stead for being kind, and trusting of others.

• I’m also unlikely to divulge the hours of therapy we undertake. Talking, animal, music, play, therapies we’ve done/do them. Or the huge number of professionals involved in our life. Or the medical interventions we are trying.

• I worry for his and our future as a family, and yet I have a huge sense of purpose. There is nothing I wouldn’t sacrifice to see him achieve a sense of fulfilment in his life. He has already made so many strides.

• I appreciate every smile, hug, laugh, act of friendship, small achievement at school he makes.

• I am so grateful.

• I am finding ways to cope better myself. Spending time with the right people, avoiding others. Yoga, investing more time in my marriage, doing things for myself. Not sweating every little thing my son gets wrong every minute of every day.

• So if you see a parent struggling with their child, please be tolerant, please be accepting, please be kind.

• Every family copes with their own difficulties, their own story, their own stresses.

• Even better, be our friend.

• I will keep loving and trying, trying and loving, and defending my son no matter what.

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**If you enjoyed this you might also like this list: ‘Gay Dads and Their Adoption Story‘.**