Don’t Cha Want a Girl?


Any Mum of boys will be familiar with this question. And even though I ‘got the girl’ it wasn’t the reason we went for a third. We want another human to love, their gender was irrelevant.

The brilliant Emma aka @mumofmadlads unpacks why people imagine wonderful sons isn’t enough?

  • Quite frequently I am asked if I am going to have any more children.

  • I always reply I don’t think so. Two is more than enough and I’ve been extremely fortunate with my conceptions, pregnancies, births and I want to end on a high thanks. I have all I need.

  • This is then usually followed with “Don’t you want to try for a girl?”

  • No I don’t. Is having a girl the prize all women desperately want? By the frequency in which I get asked this question, it appears so. I get asked this question TOO much as a mum of two boys you wouldn’t believe.

  • I’ve had people say “Have you heard she’s having a girl? I’m SO pleased for her.” Wow. Just be pleased she’s lucky enough to be pregnant and healthy.

  • Is it because we are all searching for that ‘mini me’?

  • Is it because we played with dolls growing up and now we get a real life princess?

  • Is it because we think we will get a best friend for life? Is it because people have the old fashion thought that you ‘lose your sons to their wives’? Please!

  • Is it because having a girl means getting to do girly stuff- helping her plan her wedding for example. You’ll miss out on that. No I won’t.

  • If I had a daughter she might not want to get married or she might want to elope at Gretna Green and wear a cat suit.

  • My son might want a husband; my son might even want to wear the big white dress. I’m game if you are boys.

  • My son might have a partner who lets me come dress shopping, she might not have her own mother around, she, as I said might even be a he.

  • You don’t know what the future holds. What your children will grow up to be like.

  • This question- “Don’t cha want a girl?” – Is assuming a certain path for a daughter. A daughter is a gateway to a great relationship with any future grandchildren. No again.

  • If I had a daughter she might not want children; my son might want 10 and be a stay at home Dad.

  • My boys have a fantastic relationship with my mother in law. Nobody knows what our children will turn out like. Boy or girl. Willy or not. Nobody has a crystal ball.

  • Being a ‘boy Mum’ has made me cooler. More chilled out. I’ve had to be- there is currently a snail living on my dining room table. I’m less precious.

  • Don’t worry I haven’t missed out on ‘girly stuff’ I’ve painted my sons nails. He loved it. He wears pink. We’ve watched Frozen. I’m absolutely not ‘missing out’ on anything.

  • I don’t think I’m missing this most special of bonds that mother and daughters have.  My relationship with my boys is great and I will make sure it is for as long as I live. The gender doesn’t somehow divide us.

  • Gender may divide lots of things- most that it shouldn’t- like wages. But it won’t decide the relationship I have with my children. Boy or girl I would like to hope I would have a special relationship with my children and remain close.

  • I found out the gender of both my babies at private scans. Not because I cared, because I was impatient. And I hate surprises. I mean I like surprises if it is A TOTAL surprise, but I hate when I know one is coming. Like when someone says, “I’ve got a surprise for you”- Brill. Now tell me what it is.

  • Obviously there was no way having a baby could be a total surprise (although Sonia in Eastenders), so I HAD to know.

  • Second time around I wanted to be able to tell my eldest what was coming. I wanted to tell him he was having a little brother.

  • When we found out we were having a boy second time round too- lots of people assumed I would go on to ‘try for a girl’ because, obviously I must want a girl. Believe it or not- the third baby might be a boy too you know!

  • Maybe it is because I am a girl’s girl that I get asked this question so frequently. I like clothes, I like makeup, I like shopping- I MUST want to share this with a mini me daughter. I must want to have tea parties, play dress up and bake cakes.

  • When Victoria Beckham had Harper after her three boys- the headlines read ‘The Girl She longed for’.

  • Shockingly I do all these ‘girly’ things with my two boys and I have friends with girls who are not interested in this kind of stuff and love jumping in the mud.

  • It seems the ‘Don’t cha want a girl?’ question is loaded with old fashioned attitudes and with questions like this flying about is there any wonder the gender gap exists.

  • It is thought provoking that most of the time it is in fact women who ask this question. I’ll just leave that there.

  • I wonder if Mums to girls get asked the same question as much. I bet they don’t. But I think the dads do. Don’t you want a boy after your two girls? To play football with, to have a beer with? Like, as if you can’t do that with a girl. Eye roll.

  • I suppose it is only natural to assume that men want boys and women want girls. It is not called the battle of the sexes for nothing.

  • I am distinctly outnumbered in my house- even the dog is a boy. Will I lose my femininity? Will I end up wearing practical trainers and a practical warm jacket to watch rugby matches in the cold? You can bet I will source the chicest Ski jacket for those tasks- do not worry. Will I be envious of the Mums inside while their girls do Ballet? Have you heard of Billy Elliot?

  • Once upon a time, in royalty, a son was deemed the ultimate prize. An heir to the throne. Now, it seems, with more equality for women than ever (but still some work to do), we want even more of us to run the world.

  • Are men becoming the lesser sex? Will we get beheaded if we produce a boy? It seems gender preference is still a ‘thing’.

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  • Reply aramblingcollective July 23, 2018 at 7:45 am

    I see this all the time and so I feel for you. The people who ask this just haven’t thought it through.
    There’s so many benefits to having two of the same sex.
    Having two boys means you could live in a two-bedroomed house. You only need two rooms on holiday, not three. The little one inherits his brother’s clothes and toys.

  • Reply Alice Buchanan July 23, 2018 at 10:13 am

    I have 2 girls and believe me we both get asked the same re ‘trying for a boy’. You are spot on, it tends to be ‘for my husband’, but people can’t help themselves it seems. At a recent family do a cousin with and boy and and girl the same ages as mine was celebrated to all and sundry because having one of each is ‘the dream’. I don’t get it! I’m totally with you on quashing the stereotypes – my older girl watches the rugby with her dad every week and we’ve had so many people say those weddings will cost you!

  • Reply Jo July 23, 2018 at 10:14 am

    I don’t think it’s a gender preference thing, I think people just assume you’d like one of each sex. Equally when people have two girls they are asked if they’d like a boy next.

  • Reply Sally-Ann White July 23, 2018 at 12:46 pm

    I find people’s assumptions and conditioning very odd and vaguely entertaining. I have one boy & one girl so get the ‘aren’t you lucky, one of each, you can stop now’ So when I say I’m not stopping and am pregnant with my third they get all confused 😀 I would have been very happy with 2-3 boys. I thought it would be much cheaper with hand me downs at the very least but as it is my daughter will not wear dresses or skirts and mostly wears all blue. They both like their nails painted, both like collecting snails and playing in mud. Both like building homes and playing with the dolls. They’re children. Healthy happy children. I couldn’t ask for more. We’re very lucky to be parents xx

  • Reply Anna July 23, 2018 at 1:17 pm

    After 3 daughters, my mother wanted another baby. She heard about this in vitro doctor, and went with him because she was told she could have a boy. She wanted a boy just to see if it was different from raising girls. And she got inseminated by only male sperm, got pregnant with twins, but then one of the eggs didn’t developed so now it was just one baby.

    Then on her 5th month check up, they told her it was gonna be another girl. Oh how she laughed. It was the first time ever for the doctor having a failed procedure. Anyways my mom loves us no matter what and has desisted from having another baby. 😂
    Still, people always tell her comments like “oh you have a lot of daughters bc you were looking for a boy?” Its like no, she had four daughters because she wanted four children.

  • Reply Laura July 24, 2018 at 7:15 am

    I’m currently pregnant with our second boy. My husband and I are really pleased it’s another boy (I’m better at dodging the wee now!) but I have been asked so many times during my pregnancy if I’m disappointed and whether we will try for another. I’d actually like another one but would be more than happy with a tribe of boys.

  • Reply Nicola osborne July 24, 2018 at 7:46 am

    I have 4 daughters, when i was pregnant with my 4th I was constantly asked are you trying for a boy. No I was Not, I was trying for a baby and that’s what I got ! ! I did find out the sex of the baby beforehand but only because I was so
    Impatient I couldn’t wait for the day. Surely you’re not
    Going to love the baby anymore
    Just because it’s a certain sex. Be happy with a healthy baby whatever sex it is, some woman aren’t lucky enough to have children at all.x

  • Reply Melanie July 29, 2018 at 8:42 am

    This is everything I’ve experienced over the years having two sons! I’m more than over the moon with my tribe and wouldn’t change a thing x

  • Reply Anne July 29, 2018 at 9:02 am

    I wanted 2 girls that were tomboys! I’m not girlie myself so we steer away from princess stuff. I feel capable of raising strong independent girls, boys have a bigger challenge ahead (in my opinion). And the 2 bed house thing is also a bonus. Everyone who knows me well is happy the second is a girl too but I did get a few ‘How do you feel about that?’ comments and ‘Hubby is outnumbered now!’ but I don’t find it offensive – it’s just people filling in the gap in conversation and saying what they think they should.

  • Reply Mel July 29, 2018 at 5:47 pm

    I have 2 boys. All of this is so accurate. Thank you! 👍

  • Reply Sharka July 29, 2018 at 8:56 pm

    My daughter is a tomboy. My son likes pink stuff. I wanted my third child to be a boy – life is easier for boys 🙂 It is a girl and we are excited about exploring their world, whatever gender.

  • Reply Amie July 29, 2018 at 10:22 pm

    I had this but the other way around, after 3 girls our 4th baby was a boy! Even after I had my 3rd daughter, i had people asking me if I was upset I’d had another girl and the old ‘next time let’s hope it’s a boy’ line! Tbh I was quite happy with my girls and quite content, if the 4th did happend to be another girl then great, but being a mom to a boy brings me more joy than I can ever imagine!

  • Reply RC August 15, 2018 at 12:47 am

    I have two boys too, and this post is spot on. The comment about how some women feel they want a daughter so they can feel closer to their grandkids – so true. My MIL for example, has planted herself firmly in to her daughter’s life, dictating when she should get married and have kids making comments like, just make sure you get a child before 40. Now that she has a newborn daughter, I feel like (and true of some women perhaps), they they expect that child to be on a pre-set path (marriage, kids, looking after the parents when they are older), whereas boys have more freedom to go and follow their dreams. That in itself is wrong – as you said a daughter may not want to do those things, who can tell for sure?

    It’s also a cultural thing too. In Asian cultures a boy is favoured over a girl, especially in wealthier families. In those cases the son is expected to one day take care of the parents, not the daughter…so again, it’s all about perspective!

  • Reply Alex August 22, 2018 at 1:30 am

    So spot on! I have two boys and was also asked all the time while they were younger whether we would try for a girl. The youngest is six now, we never intended to try for a third, but still every so often the question pops up. My grandmother had four boys while apparently trying for a girl – I’m not even sure I could have a girl if I tried! I have also painted my boys’ nails, go shopping with them (they love a spot of perfume shopping – excellent!) and watched the Disney princesses – we love Cinderella. As well as that, I’ve stood freezing cold by the side of rugby pitches and tramped around in the mud on mushroom hunts and looked at every kind of bug possible. I’ve no idea how they will turn out but it’s (mostly!) all been fun so far and I can’t imagine that a girl would make it any better at all.

  • Reply Beth August 24, 2018 at 8:25 am

    Wow thank you – from a mother with two wonderful boys 😘

  • Reply nixandco September 30, 2018 at 4:54 pm

    I think I must be the exception to the rule: we had 2 girls and I felt deeply that our family wasn’t complete, so I got pregnant with no. 3. When my scan showed I was probably having a girl, I cried buckets. I hadn’t realise just how desperate I was to have a son. As it happened, the scan was wrong and I did end up having a son and he’s every bit as wonderful as I hoped he’d be. I guess it’s all personal.

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