POST PARTUM PSYCHOSIS

EMOTIONAL, HEALTH, INSPIRING, LOVE & MARRIAGE, MENTAL HEALTH, MOTHER OF ALL LISTS, MOTHERHOOD, MUST READ, PREGNANCY, BIRTH & BABY'S, SOCIAL MEDIA, THOUGHT-PROVOKING

I don’t know Laura Dockrill very well, but we have a couple of mutual friends and when we first met we were both sporting bumps and soon realised  our babes were due a few days apart.

We messaged a bit during pregnancy, Greta was born and I was excited to hear how Laura was getting on, but also apprehensive knowing that first labours and new motherhood is something nobody can prepare you for.

But Laura went quiet. Very quiet. The longer it went on the more I realised something was up.  It transpires that unfortunately she had found herself in the midst of postpartum psychosis, a terrifying experience, that changes you to the core.  I am so proud of her for surviving and honoured to share her experience:


  • This week my baby turns 6 months old and I feel like it’s an achievement in more ways than one.

  • I don’t usually do oversharing on social media (I’ve covered over my boobies here rather professionally as you can see for my dignity- not that I have much of that dignity stuff left anyway after the last 6 months and YES my nail varnish is chipped but if you had to change 15 nappies a day and have your arms elbow deep in washing up liquid your nails would be pretty chipped too and who gets a chance to paint their nails with a baby splodging around the place anyway?) but the more I’ve spoken about this experience AKA the WORST TIME OF MY ACTUAL LIFE the more I’ve realised the urgency of writing about it.

  • More women and their partners have opened up with their own experiences that have just felt too ashamed or embarrassed to talk about it.

  • It’s not easy to admit that the worst time of your life was when your baby was born.

  • Social media gives a very shiny exterior of life to be frank and it’s not the full picture, so I wanted to unlock some doors and be honest- I’ve been somewhere I can’t unsee and- in case there is anybody out there struggling – to open up a dialogue and say it’s ok.

  • You are not broken… Alrighty… I’m gonna be brave…so here we go…

  • Since having my baby boy in February this year I’ve been suffering from and battling against post partem psychosis. A rare and unpublicised illness that effects 1 in a 1000 women and is seen as a medical emergency (don’t worry I had never heard of it either until it tried to ruin my life).

  • In my case it was built upon post natal depression and exhaustion and escalated into a phase of what I can only describe as hell; mania, mood swings, insomnia, delusions, paranoia, anxiety, severe depression with a lovely side order of psychosis.

  • My pregancy was a dream, I was totally prepared to be unprepared and have no history of mental illness and yet this cruel and savage sickness completely and unexpectedly swallowed me smashed me and my family against the rocks.

  • I just want to hug that naive pregnant me that would be up in the middle of the night, stroking my swollen tummy, eating bagels and drinking tea watching episodes of One Born Every Minute and say ‘hold on tight girlfriend, you have NO idea what is coming your way.’

  • My labour was horrific.

  • I won’t go into it too much but I basically tried to give birth in every way possible, it was the opposite of what I ever visualised.

  • It was scary and dangerous and we believed that one of us was not going to make it through.

  • I ended up having an emergency c-section and then found out our son was extremely underweight because even though I was 2 weeks overdue my placenta had failed him and he was starving inside me.

  • My doctor believes that my traumatic birth could be what triggered my illness. We were then kept on a ward for five days where we basically sobbed and ached and my baby fed from me for 24 hours straight for the entire time. Although I was so grateful I could breastfeed, especially after a Caesarian, (because the milk can be sometimes delayed after this operation) there was no respite.

  • I just remember thinking- what the hell have I done?

  • Home became like the Walt Disney castle, I couldn’t wait to get back and just climb into bed and be all cosy.

  • But the second I got home and into bed I was drenched in this terrifying overwhelming sense of fear and dread.

  • Like that Sunday night before school feeling times a million.

  • I felt like I was dying. My breath was short and tight, my heart was pounding out of my chest and my stomach churned.

  • I turned to my partner Hugo and said ‘something’s not right with me, I don’t know what it is but I’m not ok.’

  • I refused to believe I had Post Natal Depression because I didn’t feel ‘depressed.’

  • I could still appreciate the crisp white blanket of snow outside, the way it silenced the world and I still looked forward to gobbling down a salty cheese toastie, then I realised that I knew absolutely nothing about depression because what the hell does depression even feel like? How do you capture it and label it? How do you quantify it or understand something so intangible?

  • My ignorance and denial encouraged me to stridently continue even though I knew I was struggling.

  • I thought that time would heal. We pushed through the next few weeks but I knew I wasn’t right, I was hiding the congratulations cards and my own air made me feel sick, my baby was feeding non stop- I barely had time to eat or wash and didn’t sleep a single hour- this is all the usual new Mum stuff I know- but this wasn’t me, I felt like I had pushed out my personality as well as a baby.

  • Friends kept saying ‘just try to enjoy it- get a take away and watch Orange is The New Black on Netflix’ and I was like I DONT KNOW WHO THE F**K I AM how am I going to use the deliveroo app?!

  • I didn’t recognise myself and I felt like an intruder in my own life, like a fraud and a complete failure.

  • People suggested I had the baby blues but this wasn’t crying a bit too much at an episode of The Simpson’s- no, no, no, naaaa darling- I’ll just put it bluntly- I was suicidal, I would lie in bed begging my mum to let me go, I don’t even know how she dealt with that.

  • I had fallen out of love with my life and couldn’t see how I would ever get to know it again.

  • I thought I was going to hurt myself in some horrendous way and I was doing everything to try and avoid that plus I didn’t want my family to see me crumble away before their eyes and watch me turn into an anxious wreck.

  • I wanted some control.

  • I was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

  • Sleepless nights turned into a mania where I felt like I was doing everything in frantic fast forward.

  • I was dazed and couldn’t take in the simplest information.

  • I would write weird scraps of stuff down on odd bits of paper about my sons routine to try and remind myself but they meant nothing.

  • And then I would be hit with extreme lows where I felt like the world was caving in.

  • I went from wanting to do everything for my little boy to completely ignoring his cries.

  • My living room turned into Glastonbury festival where my whole family basically moved in with blankets and shopping bags full of baguettes and fruit and set up camp to help us but I was so sick I couldn’t even comprehend why they were even there.

  • I couldn’t eat, couldn’t drink, had to take loads of medicine from my birth, Hugo had to inject me every morning and my stitches hurt.

  • My pupils became big black holes.

  • My skin so pale it looked blue.

  • I started getting severe anxiety attacks believing I was having a heart attack, that my stitches would split in the night, that my baby was going to die because he was so small and if I didn’t feed him 24/7 it would be all my fault. That I was a terrible person and an awful mother.

  • My family would just reassure me over and over again but I couldn’t take anything in. I was a broken record on repeat bullying myself. I can’t even describe the quality of the feeling, just this ugly shade that shadowed over my head and completely consumed me.

  • My psychosis took a dark turn. I still can’t exactly work out what exactly happened or what form it took on, all I know is I was completely terrified, lost, confused and scared for myself and my son and that I didn’t trust ANYBODY- I even accused Hugo of kidnapping our baby.

  • After my intervention- which was the worst night of my life- I was hospitalised for 2 weeks away from my son, bleeding from birth, breasts leaking milk and fully out of my head. I had no idea where I was. I would sit in group therapy all day every day feeling like my baby had been torn out of my arms.

  • My personal compass had gone, my maternal instinct had vanished.

  • I was an insecure self hating soulless shell with no confidence, I lost all faith in myself. I felt like I had done something terrible in my past and I was being punished for it.

  • I forgot who I was to the point that Hugo would have to send me photos of myself and my friends and family to remind me who I was.

  • My sister would record voice notes on my phone to try and trigger my memories. Any messages of love and support I got from friends I thought were lies. Even though Post Natal Depression and the psychosis are both treatable even when my doctor said I would 100% recover I remember thinking ‘maybe others do but not me, this is me forever.’

  • Nothing makes sense when you are entrenched in the throes of it.

  • I thought I was going to be like the woman in Jane Eyre that’s trapped in the attic. It was like being the main character in a horror film and I was breaking my loved ones hearts as I declined and unravelled right in front of them. I thought I was a burden and I didn’t want to be alive anymore because of that.

  • Hugo, who had never even held a newborn, was essentially now a single dad and I was his Zombie girlfriend eating apple crumble with a plastic spoon in a hospital cafeteria yet everyday he bought our son to see me in hospital and only ever smiled and was fun and brilliant with him.

  • During these visits I tried the hardest I could to be a ‘mum’ but I felt cold and numb, unworthy, incapable and overwhelmed by my new role and yet Hugos loyalty, patience, kindness, belief in me and strength was jaw dropping. His threshold for absolute horror and chaos is gigantic. I just love him so much.

  • I realise this post could make me appear really vulnerable but it’s making me strong, there is strength in that.

  • Talking about this has been a huge part of my recovery and I was constantly searching for any stories that offered me hope or salvation in this dark and testing time so that’s why I’ve shared this and to raise awareness of this awful sickness and to confront the stigma attached to post natal depression and the pressure put on women to become mothers.

  • I tried to hide my illness from my family and friends because I was so full with shame and guilt because there is a huge expectation on women to be perfect beautiful glowing mama queens that are all encompassing wonderbeasts that can manage anything and hold it all together whilst wearing one of those hippy wrap around slings, in cool Nike trainers and red lipstick but it is HARD and FALSE and sometimes- like in my case, way too big to hide- now I know hiding it is the worst thing you can do.

  • You have to talk.

  • Birth and motherhood is a shock to the system and traumatic and we shouldn’t have to suffer in silence.

  • It’s not cosy big fluffy jumpers, scrolling through instragram and tubs of ice cream.

  • Pregnancy is like being an oven making the most precious important cake in the world and everybody is looking through the little glass window licking their lips waiting for the cake to come out and once the cake comes out everybody cheers and runs off to eat it and the oven is left and forgotten about, turned off, waiting to cool down on its own before being dumped out on the roadside once it’s broken.

  • This was not something that yoga and art class could fix- I was beyond unwell.

  • I was in a black hole where the whole universe was a threat to me.

  • All I knew was doom.

  • Trying to get better from a severe mental illness with a newborn to care for seemed impossible.

  • Now with the support of my family, an incredible psychiatrist, medication (which I really hated the idea of taking but now recognise them, for me, as necessary and I am grateful to whoever invented them) and psychotherapy I am healed and recovering more and more each day.

  • I am happy, confident and strong.

  • I am myself.

  • Yes, you do have to put your child first but I had to prioritise getting better so that I could be a good mum and that meant doing whatever I needed to do to get well like trust strangers, trust a whole host of meds with horrible side effects like weight gain, tiredness, grogginess and meant I had to give up breastfeeding, be away from my child for 2 weeks to even begin trusting myself again and work at rebuilding my relationships.

  • By leading a very simple and small life to try and focus myself, sacrifices from Hugo and my family to support me, a lot of time trying to fall back in love with my bedroom and to recognise that I was safe and that there was nothing to be afraid of, to face my triggers rather than avoiding them and at last we’ve got here.

  • I used to hate these photos, had them hidden away in a drawer with all the other baby stuff I couldn’t bring myself to look at but now I love them because they shows me how I’m just NOT a fraud or a failure at all, that I’ve overcome this massive mountain. And that makes me a bloody CHAMPION boy!

  • Mental health is no joke, I had a peep into another world and let me tell you it was a scary place.

  • Take care of yourselves, be patient with others and above all be kind. If anybody is suffering don’t delay on talking to somebody, it can escalate and easily get out of hand, you’ll soon find out that not everybodies life is as dreamy as it seems and you’ll have more in common with everybody else than you once thought.

  • It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s a chemical imbalance, an avalanche of hormones and it is NOT your fault.

  • I did not ‘have a breakdown’ or ‘struggle’ with motherhood- I didn’t freak out because of a few sleepless nights and dirty nappies and ‘couldn’t cope’- I’ve nannied kids before I know how to take care of a baby…I wasn’t deluded in thinking this mothering business was a doddle.

  • I just got really sick.

  • And if this post can relate to anybody that is feeling even a shimmer of this and it resonates with them then please speak to somebody and get help.

  • I’ve never held onto anything as tight as my life. I was so desperate for help, I felt like I was racing my own life- trying to save myself before the ‘psychosis me’ did something stupid to me and I’m so glad I cried out because now life is back swwweeeeettt again boy!

  • I often pinch myself at how beautiful life is. But do not get me wrong and think in any way this not a continuation of an internal war, it isn’t just popping meds and waiting to turn into Mother Goose Mary bloody poppins overnight.

  • I have to fight for my happiness most days to feel like I did before, steer my head like a big wonky ship during a tempest.

  • Only last week I went out for a posh meal to celebrate giving up medication to only then relapse when my period was due and my hormones spiralled, in the heatwave I didn’t sleep for three nights and I got complete terror anxiety that the psychosis was going to come back.

  • Since, I’ve had to go back on medication again to feel secure and will admit that I felt like a failure at first, it was a massive set back for me, but this is a journey- it doesn’t have a definite ending and could leave me fighting anxiety about not sleeping my whole life or ringing my doctor in a panic once a week, who knows maybe I’ll be boomeranging on and off meds forever?

  • But this is where I am now.

  • How did I end up where suicidal thoughts were just normalised?

  • Yes, just from having a kid. These are the bits nobody talks about.

  • Now as long as I’m vocal and honest about my emotions and what’s going on in my brain- which at times is hard- particularly to my loved ones, it keeps me safe and that is what’s important.

  • When you’re somebody people describe as ‘crazy’ or ‘mental’ or ‘whacky’ in your everyday life when you do actually get sectioned and become unwell, the irony is not so funny anymore.

  • 10% of women suffer from depression after giving birth and only 10% of those women are treated for it.

  • You don’t have to brave it alone. You don’t have to act like a hero, you already are one.

  • There are a few thank yous I have to do to those starting with my true love Hugo, my one and only spirit sister Adele, my baby love E.T Daisy, my amazing parents and their partners, my partners family, my brother Hector, Siobhan, Penny, Buzz, Elbow, Anneka, Sabrina, Soufian, Bob, Wesley, Rupert and the wonderful Mums I’ve met along the way. I love you all so much. You saved my life.

  • And of course to my precious little baby, you are six months so kind of happy birthday to you mate, I hope one day you read this and know how proud I am to have you, you were crowd surfed to the stage, you’ve healed all my wounds, I love you. We made it. X

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246 Comments

  • Reply FBL August 13, 2018 at 6:20 pm

    Well done you! You are not alone. As you now know, Postpartum Psychosis does not discriminate. It can happen severely and unexpectedly, to anyone. I am an OB/NICU nurse and I’d just like to thank you so much for using your talents as a writer & new mom and bringing your story to so many. You so bravely, have now helped so many. Much joy to you and your family!

  • Reply Natalie Harrold August 13, 2018 at 6:22 pm

    Just read your incredibly honest account of your experience post partum. I’m a nurse, an ex midwife and mother of two. I felt very privileged to have had two healthy pregnancies/labours and straightforward post delivery experiences. However I know that I was very lucky and not everyone can be. What you have written will certainly reach and touch women and hopefully, and I am sure, will make a difference to other women in that ‘same place’ to recognise it, and seek help sooner. Enjoy your baby – you so deserve too. Thank you xx

  • Reply Melina August 13, 2018 at 6:24 pm

    This is an amazing story so raw and inspiring. Thank you for sharing your journey!

  • Reply Kelly August 13, 2018 at 6:32 pm

    How brave if you to write and share this experience. Your story is truly inspiring and I am so pleased to hear that life is good for you! And these photos are everything! So beautiful x

  • Reply Laura Farcinsen August 13, 2018 at 6:36 pm

    I am in awe of your honesty! I struggled with being a new mom for both my babies, not feeling connected, happy or “in love” for the first couple of months of my daughter’s lives – so now I give a little speech to moms-to-be, because it is SO rare that we talk about the hard, exhausting, not so glamorous part of becoming a parent (or being pregnant, for that matter) So thank you for sharing and I will now share this story too! Sprinkle that sh*t around! 🤣😘👏👍
    Laura

  • Reply Meri Maurer August 13, 2018 at 6:38 pm

    Wow. Brilliantly written and just so pure and honest. Must be absolutely terrifying. Sending loads of love and support your way. X

  • Reply Gemma August 13, 2018 at 6:41 pm

    What a brave woman,thank you so much for sharing your worst to help others and I’m sure it will!

  • Reply Karen Phillips August 13, 2018 at 6:41 pm

    Laura you are an amazing person and a true inspiration, thank you for sharing, wishing you loads of love 💖 💕 x x

  • Reply Roos August 13, 2018 at 6:41 pm

    So true. It’s hell. Meds help survive. But I struggled after starting Meds with the numbness. I couldn’t care less if I lived or died. If somebody took my baby or not. It took more than 6 months to care: to acknowledge it was my baby and that I loved him. It’s hard to bond that way… Still on Meds but the feeling is back. I take the side effects, cause the otherwise I wouldn’t be here anymore. My boy is 9 now and we’re doing fine.

  • Reply janestevens73 August 13, 2018 at 6:44 pm

    Oh this is so familiar . It does get better with humour : help : friends and family and a real grit to get better. Happened to me 8 years ago and still it feels like an echo of a dream that I can’t quite remember – I still ask my best mate “ did I do that “ “ did this reallly happen” ?. I write for a living and still can’t quite put pen to paper on this – so well done for your bravery. It would be funny if not so horrific . I def have never been the same ; and the “ one day you’ll laugh about this “ hasnt happened just yet … Your baby won’t remember , I’m working and now a full functioning adult doing all the stuff everyone else does , just every day I look at my daughter do a mental phew and think – thank f@ck, we made it . ♥️

  • Reply Erin August 13, 2018 at 6:45 pm

    So amazing! I suffered from severe post partum depression after I had my first son – as a nurse and a mama, I thank you so very much for sharing your courageous story! You are breaking down walls and stigma with your honest words!!! (reading this here from Toronto Canada and will share with all colleagues, both from work and in mom-life:)

  • Reply With thanks and love August 13, 2018 at 6:47 pm

    You wonderful, wonderful human. Thank you for raising awareness of psychosis. I am a manager of an early intervention in psychosis service and we support lots of women with postpartum psychosis. You are 100% not alone and your story needs to me heard. Keep being strong, you will beat this and be you again. Promise. High five Hugo X

  • Reply Ty August 13, 2018 at 6:47 pm

    Keep up! You’ve thrived so much! What amazing woman and mother you are. Blessed are the ones in your life. ❤️

  • Reply Laura August 13, 2018 at 6:50 pm

    What a beautifully honest account of a subject we don’t speak or know enough about! Wishing you lots of luck with your ongoing recovery. I don’t doubt you have helped many many new mothers x

  • Reply Melissa August 13, 2018 at 6:51 pm

    Wow! I’m just finding my own voice in my post partum, which I am currently in therapy for. I just feel totally understood, and not alone after reading your brave story.
    Thank you for vocalizing your exoerience. I feel very hopeful.

  • Reply JS August 13, 2018 at 7:03 pm

    Thank you, just thank you.

  • Reply Robina August 13, 2018 at 7:08 pm

    I dont think I have ever experienced so many different emotions at the same time as when I was reading this. I cried out of fear for you, I cried because you suffered so much and I cried because although I don’t know you, I am so bloody proud of you for putting your hand up for help and winning.
    Thank you Laura. Thank you for sharing, for all the mums out there who need to read this. And for all those mums who don’t think they need to read it.
    You rock. Your son will be so, very, very proud of his mum when he knows how hard you fought, for you, for him, for your family.
    Not all heros wear capes. Clearly.
    Thank you xx

  • Reply Hayley August 13, 2018 at 7:09 pm

    Wow, I am lot a mum however I am dealing with a journey of sadness which I didn’t think I would do although this is not directly linked it is and reading your story is endearing and very well written and precise and accurate to me also.
    You are a brave and amazing women
    Congratulations xx x and a very big thank you x x x

  • Reply Mrs H August 13, 2018 at 7:09 pm

    Bawling reading this.

    Your story reminds me of an American blogger called Heather Armstrong. She has a blog called Dooce. You should contact her and connect with her over your shared story.

    My husband has major mental health difficulties and the wave of well meaning people saying ‘pull yourself together’, ‘just be happy’, ‘get over it’ is constant. I’ve been his ‘Hugo’ for the last 14 years. It nearly broke us both but we’ve stuck together and are stronger than anyone else could possibly imagine because of it.
    Hugo sounds amazing… he’s a keeper for sure!
    Much love xx

  • Reply Vikki August 13, 2018 at 7:13 pm

    Absolutely in awe of you.
    What an incredible read, and what an inspiration you are to others by being so open and honest. Beautifully written. All love & respect ❤

  • Reply Nina August 13, 2018 at 7:13 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It will help a lot of new mums. I’m so glad you got help and came through on the other side. Very scary experience.

  • Reply Nat August 13, 2018 at 7:16 pm

    We need more honestly like this. Massive respect to you for sharing your experience and for helping others by doing so. You’re amazing xx

  • Reply Steph August 13, 2018 at 7:19 pm

    Thank you for this, this piece spoke to me:
    “Pregnancy is like being an oven making the most precious important cake in the world and everybody is looking through the little glass window licking their lips waiting for the cake to come out and once the cake comes out everybody cheers and runs off to eat it and the oven is left and forgotten about, turned off, waiting to cool down on its own before being dumped out on the roadside once it’s broken.”

    I have had 4 children and felt this exact way more than once. It consumes you, and absolutely devastated me feeling this way. I have tried explaining it to people, and not once did I come close to describing it as well as you did. While I may not have lived through postpartum psychosis, I definitely struggled with post partum, thank you for your words, and thank you for not being afraid of seeming weak or unable to cope with motherhood. You are so strong. Thank you!

  • Reply letterstomylittlelearners August 13, 2018 at 7:23 pm

    Wow. I suffer with anxiety which I think is delayed from having my two babies 5 and 3) . I now live in a spiral of fearing the initial feelings of anxiety will come back, like you said about not sleeping-mine is triggered with the feeling of being sick. Never appreciated or realised how our minds work. I think the stigma is on meds- but if I had a headache I’d take a painkiller-so it’s best to think this way, as you said thank the lord to whoever invented them! Great success in beating it so far with your baby only being 6 months. Keep going. You have millions of supporters routing for you!xx

  • Reply Cynthia Aquino August 13, 2018 at 7:25 pm

    Thank you for sharing💙😊. That was very raw and honest, I’m glad you are getting the help you need. You are a strong soul💛.

  • Reply Hannah August 13, 2018 at 7:27 pm

    What an amazing story. Go you xx ❤

  • Reply Marilyn August 13, 2018 at 7:36 pm

    Laura,
    Your story is beautifully written yet heart breaking to read. Every word was so honest and authentic that I felt your pain. My daughter suffered from postpartum depression with her first son. I had no idea why or how she felt but knew something was terribly wrong. Six weeks later she recovered and embraced her son anew. Thank God. Your strength and bravery will surely inspire others to seek help knowing that they are not alone.
    Wishing you continued good health and happiness as you are surrounded with love.
    Marilyn

  • Reply LA August 13, 2018 at 7:41 pm

    Thank you SO much for sharing. I went through the exact same thing and still don’t tell people. I wish you and your beautiful family all the best.

  • Reply Victoria August 13, 2018 at 7:42 pm

    Thankyou x

  • Reply Charlotte Jones August 13, 2018 at 7:42 pm

    Laura,

    Bless your heart girl. So brave, so honest and so inspiring.. I’m a preggers muma to be 8months baby boy in the oven and although reading this terrified me, it also made me aware how much strength and healing there is in vulnerability!

    Thanks so much for your honesty and humour..

    Big love,
    Char x

  • Reply Julie Silva August 13, 2018 at 7:46 pm

    You are amazing. Thank you for sharing. I went through some of the same and have been able to heal and find myself again. I too talk about it and don’t pretend everything was perfect after I had my son. It’s important to share. Thank you!

  • Reply Irma August 13, 2018 at 7:51 pm

    There you go girl,well done… I’m a mother of four and experienced quite a lot of everything….. Starring from a hard working husband,who was away dayli for more than 10 hours,anyone from my family from other side of the globe was not with me before and after each pregnancy….I still remember so good all doctors and nurses,random people on stret who used to see me like a mother goose and her little ducks lol, my neighbors how they all kept asking are you okay?! This is too much …you must ask for help,it’s gonna be really tough to handle….( I must admit they could even be afraid I could be a harm so probably they were trying to kind prevent that by warning me) …. so any human in this earth doesn’t really know his strength untill he truly gets tested!!! My favorite phrase on difficult times is :What doesn’t kill, makes you stronger!… siper changing, breast feeding, sleepless nights,doctor visits,cleaning, doing laundry most of the time….potty training…yet again win in breast feeding, than the school year challenge with a new born baby ( all this and a whole lot more) I can tell you know that here I am,happier stronger and more fullfield than ever before…Kids are the future,raising good humans is priceless…. First I thank God for all Blessings in my life,than this country(USA ,MA)who welcomed me best way I could imagine and for being a great shelter for my family and future! Thank you so much to you and all other moms around the world for struggling to do their best no matter what and go beyond boundaries to keep it going…. I feel honored to be part of this little piece of forum that’s definitely gonna have a huge impact to Change other’s life.. Thank you for sharing

  • Reply S Alma August 13, 2018 at 7:52 pm

    This is a beautiful story and you are definitely not alone, I suffered from postnatal psychosis 7 years ago when I had my 3rd child. It was the biggest challenge of my life and I only confided in my mum, I was too ashamed to tell my partner or closet friends and was worried that seeking professional help might mean I lost my kids. To this day when I’m feeling wobbly around the time of the month or when I’m over tired or stressed I fear that it could come back but then I think logically and know that it won’t and that I’m not a secret mad person but actually suffered from postnatal psychosis. I know this now because of people like you talking about it and the increased coverage there has been on the illness.
    I gave myself a whole year to begin to feel better. At my worst time I remember doing my times tables in my head because I’m hopeless at times tables it was a bid to silence my mind. I would sit up at night because I couldn’t sleep alone sobbing and praying for peace. For me it felt like two steps forward and one step back but I was and actually feel like I still am moving further and further away from that scary awful experience.

    I kept facing my fears, persevered, meditated, tried to be healthy and drink as much water as possible I rested and cut down my work load, i’d speak to my mum. I actually had one more baby after my 3rd and was petrified that it would return but it didn’t, I know for some this might seem crazy but for me it was part of me building up my trust in myself and belief in my recovery. I felt wobbly at times after I had my last baby but the psychosis definitely didn’t return and my wobbles were more associated with my fear of it returning.
    You have done so well, the worst is behind you and the only way is up. xxxx

  • Reply Amanda Hurnda August 13, 2018 at 7:58 pm

    Incredibly inspiring xx you are a very strong special person .. I for one have learnt so much from your blog which will enable myself to support my own daughter who at the age of 25 is suffering mental health issues not through child birth but very much the same feelings you are sharing.. thank you x i wish you and your family a fantastic strong open and happy future. Xx

  • Reply Rach August 13, 2018 at 7:59 pm

    Thank you for sharing. I am suffering from postnatal depression and anxiety and although it’s nothing like what you have gone through parts of how you were feeling and what you were thinking are what I experienced on a daily basis. Thankfully through cognitive behavioural therapy (following a traumatic labour and experience in hospital) I am slowly getting back to myself. It needs to be talked about more and to be able to recognise symptoms in yourself or others, luckily I had an amazing health visitor who kept and eye on me and saw what I couldn’t to get me help or I’d probably still be in the depths of it. I feel like I can only now enjoy my baby who is 7 months old.
    We all need to be strong and tell our experiences to hopefully be able to help others.

  • Reply Amanda Hurndall August 13, 2018 at 7:59 pm

    Incredibly inspiring xx you are a very strong special person .. I for one have learnt so much from your blog which will enable myself to support my own daughter who at the age of 25 is suffering mental health issues not through child birth but very much the same feelings you are sharing.. thank you x i wish you and your family a fantastic strong open and happy future. Xx

  • Reply Louise August 13, 2018 at 8:14 pm

    What a truly amazing woman! The way you have spoken so openly and honestly is courageous. I hope you continue to feel like the strong and confident Mummy you are. Xxx

  • Reply Kate August 13, 2018 at 8:19 pm

    This is absolutely, frighteningly brave. Me and my friends have joked saying we should go out and give a realistic mum class because all this fluffy, cutesy mum stuff they feed you with is crap!
    Yes I love my daughter more than life itself but I’ve also never felt more terrified, alone and lost.
    In a world of perfect Instagram mums it’s real stories like this really touch people. I’m a mum to a one year old and have recently been diagnosed with cancer, I really needed to see someone else not having this perfect mum life they imagined and making it through – thank you.
    Wishing you a lifetime of happiness and better memories.

  • Reply Vicky August 13, 2018 at 8:37 pm

    I am overwhelmed reading this post and just imagining what it is that you have gone through. I really hope in time you can truly get past this, although as you say – it changes you. I wish you all the best going forward and enjoy those cuddles with your son x

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  • Reply RS38 August 13, 2018 at 8:47 pm

    Thanks for sharing this. I have 2 beautiful kids and struggled with the postnatal period after having both- it wasn’t until my son was 3 that I could say I felt better. And also working as a Labour ward midwife didn’t help things. I felt ashamed of struggling and mainly kept it to myself. I felt like a fraud, a failure. I wouldve loved another child but can’t face going back there again. And even thought I tell people all the time that if your mental health dips after having a baby it’s nothing to be ashamed of, my own behaviour tells me something different. Thank you for opening up this important conversation and putting your own experiences out there. You are very brave and admirable. Wishing you all the best x

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  • Reply Ashley August 13, 2018 at 8:52 pm

    Wow thankyou for sharing, this resonates with me so, so much.

    I suffered an episode of psychosis three years ago and this has just reminded me of how absolutely terrifying it was and almost all of the feelings or the lack of feelings I can relate to.

    I thankyou for sharing your story as it reminds me of how far I have come and how proud I am of myself, right at a time when I needed it.

    So happy you, and I, made it through!

    Lots of luck for the future

    • Reply Chelsea August 14, 2018 at 6:49 am

      God bless. I find you so courageous. You climbed out of the darkness and in doing so you gave others the ability to see the light. Thank you for sharing.

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  • Reply Jenny August 13, 2018 at 8:57 pm

    Dear Laura.
    I relate very much to your story, except for the baby part. I’ve never been pregnant but I have suffered from severe psychosis. So many things you’ve written about I also experienced, I was 18 and hospitalised for six weeks. I’ve been on medication ever since.
    My mother suffered with post natal depression when my older sister was born. I thought she could give me some advice about living with depression. Sadly she has never opened up to me about the event because I believe she sees it as her biggest failure.
    Thank you for being a voice in the darkness, showing us there is nothing to be ashamed about and for giving us hope and light 🙏💙
    Much love xx

    • Reply Aniela August 13, 2018 at 10:08 pm

      Hi Jenny and Laura,
      Im not a mom and I never surfer with psychosis, but I had depression last year and I had such hard time between find myself, recognize who I was and put be back to the light.
      What’s save me was meditation.
      Today many studies and psychological especualist proved and recommend the practice of meditation for brain disorders.
      Was hard for me to start and after many many failed I decide to focus on and make a new beginning according with some professionals that I had search online, doing one minute, yes 1 minutes of conscientious breathing 3 times a day. After I move to 3 minutes, and 5, and 10. And today o do 20 minutes every day. At least one time per day.
      Have many tecnics and you should find witch one will work with you.
      But trust me, meditation improve our mood and transform our life for better in many ways.
      I hope you can try and if have any question you can text me.
      aniela.sobocikova@gmail.com
      I send to you a lot of love.
      Aniela

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  • Reply Cath August 13, 2018 at 9:01 pm

    Brilliant and brave! Well done for sharing such an honest reflection and yay for Hugo! Totally can relate and despite needing meds for 12 months and being told I would need them “always” 20 years have now passed psychosis and drug free thanks mainly to the amazing support and belief of my husband! I refer to it as my ‘roadbump’ in becoming a mother. Be kind to yourself and know you are not alone xx

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  • Reply Rhona August 13, 2018 at 9:05 pm

    Thank you for sharing you’re story .
    I also suffered a phycosis last year although not post partum related but I understand and can relate to the dark place that you where in , it is absolutely horrific ! It’s hard to pick yourself up from rock bottom but reading people’s stories like yours and the above comments gives us that little bit of extra strength that’s needed for recovery and also to end the stigma surronding a phycosis . Thank you so much !
    My best wishes to you and you’re family x

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  • Reply Sarah Whelan August 13, 2018 at 9:11 pm

    I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a big hug. I’m so glad you got help and support and are on the road to recovery. This mum business is hard. I love your analogy of an oven. It really does feel like that.
    I wish you good health. You don’t realise how precious it is until you loose it for a while.
    Thank you for being so brave and honest, this will save lives.
    Love Sarah xxxx

  • Reply Candace Hallak August 13, 2018 at 9:17 pm

    Wow. Thank you SO much for telling your story. As a postpartum doula and mama of 2 it is so relatable and even now years after the newborn stage still comes into light. I’m beyond thrilled for your support of family in your home and Hugo by your side. You sound amazing and so full of beauty. So proud of your strength and all you’ve done to pull through. Every single one of us have our moments it’s what it takes to get through it and how we get there. Many blessings always ❤️

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  • Reply Larisa August 13, 2018 at 9:27 pm

    I had previously suffered with psychosis, was medicated for nearly 4 years, slowly reduced medication to start a family, I’m two months away from due date, and the doctors have scared me saying I am at a high risk of suffering from postnatal psychosis. Your blog is so brave. It’s shows mums there is light at the end of a dark tunnel. Take care xx

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  • Reply Catherine Kirk August 13, 2018 at 9:50 pm

    Thank you for sharing your experience, it really does help others who have experienced similar things. I just wondered if it was pre-eclampsia that you suffered with? I had severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome when I had my daughter and have suffered from some anxiety and depression ever since. I’ve found that people don’t tend to talk about the details of traumatic birth, I think for fear of upsetting others, but for some women and mums-to-be it could be really important.
    Wishing you and your family all the very best.
    C x

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  • Reply Sheri August 13, 2018 at 10:11 pm

    Well done to you strong brave mama. You have endured an extremely hard time from birth to post partum. I suffered from PND also & it was a journey that changed me forever. Learning to take all the positives from your experience & staying well & what keeps you on top of it will shape you into an even more amazing person. You should be so proud of yourself & your courage. I am pregnant with my 2nd & am scared of it all happening again but know now what needs to be done & that we can get through it. Thank you for sharing.

    • Reply Christine Jackson August 14, 2018 at 6:19 am

      Hi, I just wanted to say that I was also scared of going for a second child after experiencing post natal depression hence the three year gap. I was ok. It probably took me 6 weeks before I relaxed and knew I was ok.
      My daughter is now 38 years old!
      Enjoy your pregnancy and your life xxx

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  • Reply Claire August 13, 2018 at 10:35 pm

    This is so interesting and insightful. I suffered post natal depression twice – thankfully no psychosis. I have experienced a lot of what you describe only perhaps not as intently. I have found mothering hard, especially in the early years. My children are now 16 & 18 and they are the most wonderful, interesting people in the world to me- I adore them. Oh and by the way – I turned out to be a really good mum, despite my rocky, scary, anxiety feuled first few years. Be kind to yourself, make time for yourself, let people help. You can do this. Enjoy. Good luck ☘️ Cx

  • Reply Adele Supports Friend Battling Postpartum Psychosis | PEOPLE.com August 13, 2018 at 10:36 pm

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  • Reply Teri B. August 14, 2018 at 5:08 am

    Laura,
    Currently in tears. Tears because am suffering with these same feelings although have never given birth…recently had a complete hysterectomy.
    Your story brought a glimpse of hope in my present hell.

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  • Reply Angela Grafl August 14, 2018 at 7:27 am

    Post partum depression is really a serious mental illness. I’ve had it as well but with the help of my husband and my in laws. I manage to subside without the help of medications. I was worried, terrified, sleepless, exhausted, feel bad to myself and annoyed. It was really depressing for me especially thinking of everything at once!(house, my 4year old kid, cooking, making the house clean, toys everywhere, what my in laws will say about me) . I Reach out, trusting my husband again, asking my in laws for help wasn’t as bad as I think. Hoping for our fully recover. Sending some strength and remember, take care of yourself first.

  • Reply Meri August 14, 2018 at 8:41 am

    Thank you for sharing. It touchs me. You are the strongest of us. God bless you

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  • Reply Caroline Willis August 14, 2018 at 9:06 am

    What an incredible post and powerfully written. I hope that writing it has given you even more strength. X

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  • Reply Sam heslop August 14, 2018 at 9:41 am

    This made me cry. I had a really difficult time after having my fourth child. I too had an emergency c section. I felt scared all the time in fact terrified! So exhausted! I just wanted to be left alone and not have to deal with anything. I had terrible nightmares and flashbacks as soon as I closed my eyes to sleep.. Eventually thanks to my sister and my daughter I got some help.
    It’s not all “rainbows and kittens “ being a mum and id done it three times already!!
    We need to make sure new mums have someone to talk to,somewhere to turn to.. let’s talk about the mental health issues that can totally take over your life at a time when you are most vulnerable.
    It’s ok not to be ok!!

  • Reply Adele lovingly lauds her best friend for detailing her battle with postpartum psychosis – World News August 14, 2018 at 9:53 am

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  • Reply Marianne August 14, 2018 at 10:15 am

    Don’t worry.
    It’s going to be okay!
    I had a postpartum psychosis 20 years ago. We thought it was the end of a ‘normal’ life but within a few months I found my strong self (back). I went back to work and be a mum at the same time.
    At first we were afraid to think about a second child, because of the risks, (ppp again) but 3 years later we had a baby girl and no psychosis.
    Now, 20 years later, I still work and had no psychosis again. It’s necessary to take time for myself now and then, but who doesn’t?
    Love from Marianne

  • Reply Charlotte Mimms August 14, 2018 at 10:19 am

    Thank you for sharing your story – I too had postpartum psychosis, following the birth of my daughter (now nearly 3). At that time my mother had been diagnosed with terminal cancer so it was a dark time. I spent time on a mother and baby unit (after a brief time on an adult ward). There are minimal MBU’s in the UK but there should be more!

  • Reply Becki Cooper August 14, 2018 at 10:25 am

    What an incredible blog. I am blown away by your bravery and honesty. I’m not a mother myself but one day hope to be, but it is so informative and comforting to know that these conditions exist and people come out of the other side, a better person like yourself. Truly amazing. Your little boy is clearly very lucky to have you ad truly does have a warrior for a mum.

  • Reply Justine August 14, 2018 at 10:26 am

    I’m not a mum but this made we cry…I think you are an incredibly brave lady for sharing such a personal journey and to be raising awareness for something which isn’t well known. Much love to you and your fantastic family around you x

  • Reply Helen August 14, 2018 at 10:49 am

    What a great post.
    I know how you feel and even 9 years later I still need my meds as the terror of not sleeping is awful.
    However I do feel like me more often than not and you will too,
    Big hugs brave lady xx

    • Reply Barbara A August 14, 2018 at 3:25 pm

      I can totally relate. Nearly 10 years later, I’m still not my old self and have finally started to accept that I will never be. I suffered with postpartum depression with psychosis. I had thoughts of killing myself, self harm, and harming my newborn son. After I admitted to what I was feeling (it took 2 months of refusing to get near water with my son), I told my husband at the time that I wanted to kill myself and had a plan. I self admitted to hospital where I finally admitted that I “thought” my son would be better off dead. Those were the intrusive thoughts that were normalized by my chemically unbalanced brain. I was not alone with my son again for 7 months. I went through intense therapy, medication, and it took me 18 months before I felt better.

      Nobody talks about this. I try to share my story in person with women I think might be struggling. This is the first time I have posted some of it online.

  • Reply Ingrid H. August 14, 2018 at 10:57 am

    I am so blown away by this story. Thank you so much for writing it. You rock. I love your pictures you are so beautiful and your baby is adorable. Thank god you had people who got you to the hospital, yes, thank god for meds, and loved ones. Really this is amazing and scary. I will try to be more patient and kind today. And I hope I remember that every day.

  • Reply Brenda C August 14, 2018 at 11:23 am

    What a truly brave and explicit post.I am now elderly and suffered this many years ago and wish that there had been somewhere to open up like this.Wishing you much happiness.

  • Reply Heidi Hutchins August 14, 2018 at 11:23 am

    I lost a dear childhood friend to postpartum psychosis, who despite help and a loving family, struggled with this illness for 5 years before it took her away from her child and husband. She will be forever in my heart and it is an illness that needs to talked about more and more help needs to be available to those who suffer from it. I’m so glad you were able to receive the help you needed and that you are coming to terms with the condition and are taking things one day at a time. You have a beautiful son and a loving family and they are so lucky to have you in their lives. Keep fighting and stay strong…

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  • Reply Kendel August 14, 2018 at 11:32 am

    A beautiful, inspirational post!

  • Reply Sam August 14, 2018 at 11:50 am

    Oh wow that made me cry. How beautifully and honestly written. I felt every inch of your pain, how scared you must have been but how wonderful your friends and family were, thank god for them. I had pre-natal depression and had very similar feelings to you, no one ever talks about pre-natal depression but trust me it also exists. Like you I thought I was going mad, no one understood me and on top of it all everyone thought how selfish I was for wanting to take my life because I had a beautiful baby growing inside me. So not only did I hate myself for feeling this way I knew everyone around me hated me too. It was a very dark and sad part of my life, to the point I never had another child, one of my big regrets. However a miracle did happen, as soon as I gave birth and I mean literally the moment he arrived all those dark thoughts disappeared from my head I was only left with relief and overwhelming happiness, I am so grateful that it stopped as soon as he was born, that was 16 years ago. Back then I was given no help at all, no tablets and no counselling, I was just a nuisance. How brilliant that now pre and post natal depression are recognised and you can get help. Well done you brave, courageous lady you really are a warrior you should be so proud of yourself and I’m sure your beautiful boy will be equally proud of you. Thank you for sharing x

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  • Reply Kamilla August 14, 2018 at 1:00 pm

    This post reminded me of my own ghosts and I’m so glad to hear there’s someone else out there too. Never got a treatment, never admitted to anyone I was feeling down not only because of lack of sleep and loads of work around 3 kids and housekeeping but also this gloom, dark, overwhelming, self blaming ‘state of mind’… on one of my last ‘sane’ moments decided to escape and won back myself… Glad you got out of there!

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    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend's illness - 2NewsNow.com August 14, 2018 at 1:51 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend's illness | Fashion City August 14, 2018 at 1:54 pm

    […] says her symptoms were "insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia", and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply 'Adele spotted my postpartum psychosis' - WCRCLEADERS August 14, 2018 at 1:55 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend's illness | UniversalTechNews.com August 14, 2018 at 2:00 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend’s illness | Naija Upgrade August 14, 2018 at 2:04 pm

    […] singer has posted a link to Laura’s story, which has been written for a parenting […]

  • Reply Adele Expresses Support For Friend With Postpartum Psychosis On Social Media – Esmond Station Community Radio August 14, 2018 at 2:12 pm

    […] postpartum depression after th birth of her son Angelo, then directed her millions of followers to Dockrill’s story, which chronicles her journey through her pregnancy, birth of her son, and diagnosis. “My […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend's illness - NewsVast.com August 14, 2018 at 2:21 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend's illness - NewsMax August 14, 2018 at 2:55 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Adele Expresses Support For Friend With Postpartum Psychosis On Social Media - IEVENN News August 14, 2018 at 2:56 pm

    […] depression after th birth of her son Angelo, then directed her millions of followers to Dockrill’s story, which chronicles her journey through her pregnancy, birth of her son, and diagnosis. […]

  • Reply Adele deelt verhaal van vriendin die leed aan een postpartum psychose - Famme Baby August 14, 2018 at 3:05 pm

    […] het was de grootste uitdaging in haar leven. Ze schreef het meest intieme, geestige en emotionele stuk over haar ervaring als nieuwe moeder en haar postpartum psychose. Mama’s, praat over hoe je […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend’s illness | Everyday News Update August 14, 2018 at 3:34 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Adele Shares Best Friend's 'Heartbreaking' Postpartum Psychosis Experience: Symptoms And Treatment Explained – Brainnews Radio August 14, 2018 at 4:04 pm

    […] Dockrill, who has been a friend of Adele’s since they were teenagers, wrote a piece about her experience of the serious mental illness that she says was “hell, it’s been the worst time of my […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of her best friend, who was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis – KQRadio August 14, 2018 at 4:05 pm

    […] posted the story of her best friend, Laura Dockrill, who went through a harrowing battle with postpartum psychosis […]

  • Reply Adele's pal Laura Dockrill's postpartum psychosis: What is the illness?World News | World News August 14, 2018 at 4:19 pm

    […] cases it could save yours or someone else’s life,” Adele continued, before sharing a link to Laura’s intimate blog where she spoke about her […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend’s illness | Uk-reports.info August 14, 2018 at 4:20 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of her best friend, who was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis – KYNT AM 1450 – Yankton, SD August 14, 2018 at 4:26 pm

    […] posted the story of her best friend, Laura Dockrill, who went through a harrowing battle with postpartum psychosis […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of her best friend, who was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis | Mix 94.7 August 14, 2018 at 4:33 pm

    […] posted the story of her best friend, Laura Dockrill, who went through a harrowing battle with postpartum psychosis […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of her best friend, who was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis | Newstalk KBKW August 14, 2018 at 4:50 pm

    […] posted the story of her best friend, Laura Dockrill, who went through a harrowing battle with postpartum psychosis […]

  • Reply Adele posts touching message about her best friend's experience of postpartum psychosis August 14, 2018 at 4:51 pm

    […] shared her experience in a blog […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of her best friend, who was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis – Current 94.3 August 14, 2018 at 4:58 pm

    […] posted the story of her best friend, Laura Dockrill, who went through a harrowing battle with postpartum psychosis […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend’s illness | Tursly August 14, 2018 at 5:01 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend's illness | Everyday News August 14, 2018 at 5:16 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend's illness - newsheadlines.today August 14, 2018 at 5:27 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend's illness - YourNews.top August 14, 2018 at 5:29 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Sandra August 14, 2018 at 5:31 pm

    Hugs to you. Thank you for sharing and giving us all strength. Bless your family.

    • Reply Elizabeth Lawler August 15, 2018 at 2:44 am

      You are a wonderful caring and amazing mother!!! You made it through the worst time of your life and now you can handle ANYthing! I had postpartum depression after my son was born, anxiety galore, little sleep, worried 24/7, could not calm my thoughts. It blessedly went away when he was 7 months old. Only to come back stronger when my daughter was born 2 years later. When she was 4 months old, I went into a tailspin. Still resisted getting help as I truly thought ‘they’ would take my babies away from me. When I did go for help and get on medication a month later, it saved my life. I became a happy mother for the first time!!! I didn’t think it was possible for me. And now, for you! Thank you for your story. Even with my best friends it is hard for them to grasp my story. But I believe every word you said is true and will help other new mothers. Beth

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend's illness - SuperNews.press August 14, 2018 at 5:33 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend's illness - NewsGlobal.win August 14, 2018 at 5:39 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of her best friend, who was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis | KWPK The Peak 104.1 August 14, 2018 at 6:16 pm

    […] posted the story of her best friend, Laura Dockrill, who went through a harrowing battle with postpartum psychosis […]

  • Reply Kerstie Ann August 14, 2018 at 6:35 pm

    Hello my name is Kerstie Ann
    I am a makeup artist/hairstylist and mummy to two beautiful babies –
    After the birth of my first 5 years ago I suffered a horrendous episode of post partum psychosis I was taken to a mother and baby unit in London from A and E I spent 2 months there.
    I can only decribe it as hell – I would love to speak with someone who has had the same experience I think it would help me as I still have post traumatic stress from what happened.
    I went on to have my beautiful baby girl this April and was given medication to prevent a subsiquient episode – and it did- I am so thankful I didn’t end my journey as a mummy after my horrid experience as now I am able to enjoy and be the mummy I always wanted to to my little baby girl-
    My relationship with my son (Harrison) is stronger than ever – maybe also due to guilt I couldn’t help but feel after what happened.

    I have never spoken to anyone else who has had this I would love to talk to someone Wjo has also suffered from this. I also have no mental health problems or family history I am very sucsessful in my buissness and industry in a happy loving marriage with the most amazing close family around me-
    I don’t know why this happened to me but I do feel like I know what hell on earth is now from the things I saw in the units i was in.
    We’re you also in a mother and baby unit? Where was that?
    I would love to hear from you.

    I can’t help but feel annoyed when people think this is the same as PPD it’s a WHOLE other level and leaves you broken.

    Thanks
    Kerstie Ann

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend’s illness – Search for News August 14, 2018 at 6:35 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Jo Allen August 14, 2018 at 6:41 pm

    Thank you so much for bringing this dreadful condition to light. I had a very traumatic birth with my daughter. I was sent home with very little support. For days and nights after i hallucinated. I felt my child or I was going to die. I remember laying on the floor in the middle of the night feeling so very low. One night i was taken in an ambulance back to hospital as i was hyperventilating and thought I would die. I got no help at all from the midwives or doctors and felt I had lost my mind. In the end I paid privately to see a brilliant hypnotherapist who helped me recover. My beautiful daughter is now 18 and heading off to Brighton uni to study Fashion but until your article I had never heard of this condition.
    I wish you the very, very best. With the right help you can heal and start to enjoy your life once more. Best wishes and take care.
    Jo xx

  • Reply Adele Supports Best Friend with Postpartum Psychosis — What is it? - HelloGiggles August 14, 2018 at 6:58 pm

    […] admit that the worst time of your life was when your baby was born,” Dockrill wrote in a post on Mother of all Lists. “Social media gives a very shiny exterior of life to be frank and it’s not the full picture. I […]

  • Reply Essie D August 14, 2018 at 7:07 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story. You are so right….Pregnancy and birth is definitely not what you read about or “see” on social media. Continue to gain strength from your fabulous support network and specialists. Be well…and happy 6 month Birthday to your special little man!

  • Reply Adele shares story of her best friend, who was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis | B 107 | The Blaze August 14, 2018 at 7:07 pm

    […] posted the story of her best friend, Laura Dockrill, who went through a harrowing battle with postpartum psychosis […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of her best friend, who was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis | KNMB-FM August 14, 2018 at 7:08 pm

    […] posted the story of her best friend, Laura Dockrill, who went through a harrowing battle with postpartum psychosis […]

  • Reply Jaime August 14, 2018 at 7:11 pm

    Great post. So brave. I suffered with severe post natal depression and can identify with alot of what you say. All the very best with your recovery and enjoying your family
    XX

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend's illness | Latest Technology News August 14, 2018 at 7:33 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Adele shares the story of her best friend, who was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis – Gossipify August 14, 2018 at 8:32 pm

    […] shared her story in a blog post Monday. She wrote that after undergoing a traumatic birth, she was left with an […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend's illness-Times of News Italy August 14, 2018 at 8:42 pm

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Adele Wrote a Touching Post About Her Best Friend’s Postpartum Psychosis Recovery – CelebeRazzi August 14, 2018 at 8:44 pm

    […] included a link in her bio to Laura’s first-person blog post about her experience. In it, Laura documents what she calls “the worst time of [her] […]

  • Reply Stefan August 14, 2018 at 9:04 pm

    I had a postpartum depression, but I am the father. Actually, in my case, depression hit me really hard due to the change of life events, sleepless nights (we had also moved to another country). I do believe that postpartum depression (not baby blues) is often the result not of hormonal changes (how could I have had those as the father), but as a result of elevated stress plus genetic predisposition for depression. As I later found out, I also have adult ADHD. Get that checked out!
    All the best!

  • Reply Adele’s support for friend’s postpartum psychosis recovery – Search for News August 14, 2018 at 9:14 pm

    […] singer has posted a link to Laura’s story, which has been written for a parenting […]

  • Reply Adele shares the story of her best friend, who was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis – AUTO MOTO ONLINE August 14, 2018 at 9:17 pm

    […] shared her story in a blog post Monday. She wrote that after undergoing a traumatic birth, she was left with an […]

  • Reply Jo August 14, 2018 at 10:30 pm

    Thanks for sharing,
    We just lost a friend to this awful condition, if it helps just one person know it’s not ok to feel that way then amazing x

  • Reply Adele Shares the Emotional Story of a Friend Who Experienced Postpartum Psychosis | Health News Focus August 15, 2018 at 12:42 am

    […] included a link in her bio to Dockrill's first-person blog post, in which Dockrill described her time having postpartum psychosis as "the worst time of [her] […]

  • Reply Adele Shares the Emotional Story of a Friend Who Experienced Postpartum Psychosis | Health News Headline August 15, 2018 at 12:47 am

    […] included a link in her bio to Dockrill's first-person blog post, in which Dockrill described her time having postpartum psychosis as "the worst time of [her] […]

  • Reply Adele Supports Friend Through Postpartum Psychosis Recovery - August 15, 2018 at 12:49 am

    […] best friend, Laura Dockrill, wrote an unsparing account of her experience with postpartum psychosis. Adele shared her best friend’s post along with a note about how proud she is of her, calling […]

  • Reply Postpartum psykos: Adele såg sin väns sjukdom | Fashion City August 15, 2018 at 1:05 am

    […] symtom var ”sömnlöshet, vanföreställningar, misstänksamhet och paranoia”, och har skrivit ett blogginlägg för att dela sina erfarenheter med mammor som kanske går igenom samma […]

  • Reply Adele homenageia amiga que luta contra depressão pós-parto - Arte Mulher August 15, 2018 at 1:27 am

    […] A cantora que também é mãe de Angelo, de 5 anos, no final de sua postagem, disponibilizou um link para que outras pessoas pudessem ler o relato de Laura. Para acessar o link clique aqui. […]

  • Reply Adele Supports Friend Through Postpartum Psychosis Recovery August 15, 2018 at 1:36 am

    […] best friend, Laura Dockrill, wrote an unsparing account of her experience with postpartum psychosis. Adele shared her best friend’s post along with a note about how proud she is of her, calling […]

  • Reply Adele Wrote a Touching Post About Her Best Friend’s Postpartum Psychosis Recovery - Fort McMurray\'s source for news and events August 15, 2018 at 1:45 am

    […] included a link in her bio to Laura’s first-person blog post about her experience. In it, Laura documents what she calls “the worst time of [her] […]

  • Reply Adele Wrote a Touching Post About Her Best Friend’s Postpartum Psychosis Recovery - Fort McMurray\'s source for news and events August 15, 2018 at 1:45 am

    […] included a link in her bio to Laura’s first-person blog post about her experience. In it, Laura documents what she calls “the worst time of [her] […]

  • Reply Adele Wrote a Touching Post About Her Best Friend’s Postpartum Psychosis Recovery - Fort McMurray\'s source for news and events August 15, 2018 at 1:45 am

    […] included a link in her bio to Laura’s first-person blog post about her experience. In it, Laura documents what she calls “the worst time of [her] […]

  • Reply ruminationwriting August 15, 2018 at 1:56 am

    That sounds like absolute hell, oh my goodness. I didn’t even know postpartum psychosis was a thing. Also, there is such value and strength in vulnerability, and it’s never a weakness.

  • Reply Adele Supports Friend Through Postpartum Psychosis Recovery | Kids Gifts August 15, 2018 at 2:04 am

    […] best friend, Laura Dockrill, wrote an unsparing account of her experience with postpartum psychosis. Adele shared her best friend’s post along with a note about how proud she is of her, calling […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend's illness | Everyday News Update August 15, 2018 at 2:18 am

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Adele Urges New Moms To Speak Up After Friend Faced Postpartum Psychosis | News-Global.Online August 15, 2018 at 2:27 am

    […] her own blog post, Dockrill described feeling “completely terrified, lost, confused and scared for myself and my […]

  • Reply Adele Urges New Moms To Speak Up After Friend Faced Postpartum Psychosis - Universal Health News August 15, 2018 at 2:36 am

    […] her own blog post, Dockrill described feeling “completely terrified, lost, confused and scared for myself and […]

  • Reply Adele Urges New Moms To Speak Up After Friend Faced Postpartum Psychosis | Key Health News August 15, 2018 at 2:39 am

    […] her own blog post, Dockrill described feeling “completely terrified, lost, confused and scared for myself and […]

  • Reply Adele Urges New Moms To Speak Up After Friend Faced Postpartum Psychosis | Health News Headline August 15, 2018 at 2:41 am

    […] her own blog post, Dockrill described feeling “completely terrified, lost, confused and scared for myself and […]

  • Reply Adele Spoke Up About Postpartum Psychosis Recovery — Here's What You Need To Know – Mysore Leads August 15, 2018 at 2:56 am

    […] Monday, Adele shared her support for her friend Laura Dockrill, who recently opened up about going through postpartum psychosis, a rare disorder occurring after childbirth that can lead […]

  • Reply Adele Urges New Moms To Speak Up After Friend Faced Postpartum Psychosis - HabariTimes August 15, 2018 at 3:24 am

    […] her own blog post, Dockrill described feeling “completely terrified, lost, confused and scared for myself and my […]

  • Reply Adele Urges New Moms To Speak Up After Friend Faced Postpartum Psychosis | Health News Focus August 15, 2018 at 3:44 am

    […] her own blog post, Dockrill described feeling “completely terrified, lost, confused and scared for myself and […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of her best friend diagnosed with postpartum psychosis | Tif OH August 15, 2018 at 6:42 am

    […] shared her story in a blog post Monday. She wrote that after undergoing a traumatic birth, she was left with an […]

  • Reply Luke Row August 15, 2018 at 7:01 am

    Such an incredible story, you’ve shown such strength and courage. You’re amazing. Hugo too.

  • Reply Adele shares story of her best friend, who was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis – 97.7 The Bolt August 15, 2018 at 7:04 am

    […] posted the story of her best friend, Laura Dockrill, who went through a harrowing battle with postpartum psychosis […]

  • Reply Adele Urges New Moms To Speak Up After Friend Faced Postpartum Psychosis | STREET CULTURE MAGAZINE August 15, 2018 at 7:16 am

    […] her own blog post, Dockrill described feeling “completely terrified, lost, confused and scared for myself and my […]

  • Reply Rachel August 15, 2018 at 7:59 am

    Hi I have just read your post about post natal psychosis, I had it too with my daughter 5 years ago. Everything that you have written is just exactly what happened to me it’s weird as I can’t describe to people how I was but reading what you put did! I also was in hospital I was there for 3 months I heard voices the lot I was extremely suicidal as the feelings was so overpowering. Fast forward 4 years later with the help of family friends and the mental health team. Me and my husband decided to Have another baby now we have elliot who is 18 months old. Yes I was petrified what was going to happen but nothing did. I really hope that your experience, I call it an experience as it has made me a different person ( a better person) make it more aware. Good luck x

  • Reply Adele was the first one to detect her best friend Laura Dockrill’s postpartum psychosis – World News August 15, 2018 at 11:04 am

    […] Laura, who is a performance poet, author and illustrator, detailed the terrifying impact of her illness in an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists.   […]

  • Reply Adele Urges New Moms To Speak Up After Friend Faced Postpartum Psychosis - SOCIAL IMPACT REBELS August 15, 2018 at 11:45 am

    […] her own blog post, Dockrill described feeling “completely terrified, lost, confused and scared for myself and […]

  • Reply Adele was first one to detect her best friend's postpartum psychosis - HabariCloud August 15, 2018 at 12:00 pm

    […] Laura, who is a performance poet, author and illustrator, detailed the terrifying impact of her illness in an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists.   […]

  • Reply jaqmpanganiban August 15, 2018 at 5:15 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I am my mother’s oldest and she suffered after the birt of her 3rd child. I didn’t understand and now I can have compassion.

  • Reply Adele shares story of friend’s postpartum psychosis to help new mothers | Health and Fitness GURU August 15, 2018 at 7:24 pm

    […] an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists, Dockrill described how her life spiralled out of control after the birth of her son six months […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of friend’s postpartum psychosis to help new mothers | Society – World Healthy Life August 15, 2018 at 8:07 pm

    […] an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists, Dockrill described how her life spiralled out of control after the birth of her son six months […]

  • Reply Vic Smith August 15, 2018 at 8:17 pm

    Wow. Thank you so much for writing this blog. I could relate to so much of what you described. Thank you for being so honest and brave. Thank you for putting in words how so many woman feel/have felt/will maybe feel in the future.
    Knowledge is power. The more people speak out and share their stories about metal illness the more informed society will become and mental health will be much less of a taboo subject.
    Thank you again x

  • Reply Donna Stephen August 15, 2018 at 9:53 pm

    Absolutely.. sometimes a lack of understanding is bourne out of ignorance and fear..it’s the same with most MH issues but hopefully by raising awareness and speaking out we can break barriers and stigma, which is a barrier to treatment and recovery… we are worthy and deserving of hope, treatment and a future…same as veterans ptsd.. Too many suffering and not enough is being done at any level.. about time the agency’s walked the walk.. and not just talked the talk xx

  • Reply Adele shares story of friend's postpartum psychosis to help new mothers | Society - House of Smoothies August 15, 2018 at 10:20 pm

    […] an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists, Dockrill described how her life spiralled out of control after the birth of her son six months […]

  • Reply Cindy Judkins August 15, 2018 at 10:31 pm

    I suffer from PTSD and could totally relate with almost everything you said! I also started menopause at the age of 36 & by 40 I was done and then at 44 I had a total hysterectomy which threw me into a hormone he’ll! How I didn’t kill myself going through that is nothing short of a miracle! And I remember coming home from the hospital and I was sent home with the stomach flu only I didn’t know that, I thought I felt so awful from the hysterectomy and I was afraid to eat because I was afraid I would rip the stitches out and so I just prayed to God for mercy and grace and to just take me. So I get it!! And I will do almost anything to avoid a panic attack because I do feel like I’m dying or having a stroke! Thank you for speaking out about your journey!

  • Reply Adele shares story of friend’s postpartum psychosis to help new mothers | Society – Magazine 4 Everyone August 15, 2018 at 11:17 pm

    […] an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists, Dockrill described how her life spiralled out of control after the birth of her son six months […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of friend’s postpartum psychosis to help new mothers | Society – LISTENER365 August 15, 2018 at 11:51 pm

    […] an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists, Dockrill described how her life spiralled out of control after the birth of her son six months […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of friend’s postpartum psychosis to help new mothers | Society – Healthy Way of Life 365 August 16, 2018 at 12:25 am

    […] an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists, Dockrill described how her life spiralled out of control after the birth of her son six months […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of friend’s postpartum psychosis to help new mothers | Society – Natural Home Remedies August 16, 2018 at 12:59 am

    […] an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists, Dockrill described how her life spiralled out of control after the birth of her son six months […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of friend’s postpartum psychosis to help new mothers | Society – Healthy Corner August 16, 2018 at 2:18 am

    […] an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists, Dockrill described how her life spiralled out of control after the birth of her son six months […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of friend’s postpartum psychosis to help new mothers | Society August 16, 2018 at 4:38 am

    […] an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists, Dockrill described how her life spiralled out of control after the birth of her son six months […]

  • Reply Adele Spoke Up About Postpartum Psychosis Recovery – Trendyhealthyfood August 16, 2018 at 5:16 am

    […] Monday, Adele shared her support for her friend Laura Dockrill, who recently opened up about going through postpartum psychosis, a rare disorder occurring after childbirth that can lead […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of friend’s postpartum psychosis to help new mothers | Society – ENTERTAINMENTIFY August 16, 2018 at 5:37 am

    […] an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists, Dockrill described how her life spiralled out of control after the birth of her son six months […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of friend’s postpartum psychosis to help new mothers | Society – Natural Diet Life August 16, 2018 at 6:09 am

    […] an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists, Dockrill described how her life spiralled out of control after the birth of her son six months […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of friend’s postpartum psychosis to help new mothers | Society – Book 4 Healthy Life & Food August 16, 2018 at 6:53 am

    […] an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists, Dockrill described how her life spiralled out of control after the birth of her son six months […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of friend’s postpartum psychosis to help new mothers | Society – Healthy Life Advice August 16, 2018 at 6:56 am

    […] an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists, Dockrill described how her life spiralled out of control after the birth of her son six months […]

  • Reply Adele shares story of friend’s postpartum psychosis to help new mothers | Society – Gossipify August 16, 2018 at 6:57 am

    […] an article written for Mother Of Fall Lists, Dockrill described how her life spiralled out of control after the birth of her son six months […]

  • Reply Adele Shares the Emotional Story of a Friend Who Experienced Postpartum Psychosis - fitness August 16, 2018 at 7:29 am

    […] included a link in her bio to Dockrill’s first-person blog post, in which Dockrill described her time having postpartum psychosis as “the worst time of [her] […]

  • Reply Liz August 16, 2018 at 9:18 am

    I haven’t had children yet but am looking to walk this journey soon. I love and truly appreciate the honesty. I’ve had depression in the past plus have struggled with hormone hell on the wrong contraceptives. I am terrified of PND but warmed and secure knowing that if it does happen I won’t be waking that path alone nor will I be the only one to walk it. Thank you for being so open and honest and true. We are, exactly as you say, sold this ideal image of pregnancy, birth and motherhood so it’s amazing to hear that it doesn’t always work that way but with help and support we can get through it. Thank you again xxxx

  • Reply Jo August 16, 2018 at 9:27 am

    Amazing list.
    I remember feeling son overwhelmed I considered throwing myself down the stairs so I could go to hospital and someone would look after me.
    Thankfully it passed .but it’s so important for others to know that this happens and you can be helped.

  • Reply anitalinkthoughtfood August 16, 2018 at 11:13 am

    Great to have more people writing and talking about their experiences with post partum psychosis.

    I got incredibly lucky with mine, in that it was picked up immediately and treated appropriately. If anyone is interested you can find my account of it here: https://anitalinkthoughtfood.com/2018/04/09/my-first-time/

    As for needing medication, the less pressure you put on yourself to come off medication, the easier life will be. If you are able to come off all your medication and stay healthy, that is wonderful. If not, it is also not a disaster.
    My first experience with post partum psychosis was my first ever episode of mental illness, and I remember being desperate to come off all medication as soon as I could. I did so successfully when my daughter was 22 months, and remained healthy off meds until my second pregnancy more than a year later, when I became unwell again. My first episode of post partum psychosis also turned out to be the first episode of Bipolar 1 Disorder (which I have since learnt is very common). This means I am on a lot of medication to stay well, in addition to looking after myself in other ways. And my quality of life on all that medication is excellent, which is something I never would have believed when I first got sick twelve years ago.

    I hope you have a full recovery, and stay healthy!

  • Reply askewinmotherhood August 16, 2018 at 1:53 pm

    It’s just a terrifying thing to go through! More so when you are often told that you ‘should’ be jumping for joy at this time of a new baby! How very blessed you are to have had a good friend who saw what was happening.

    The link is on Facebook page of Bondi Westaway or on Twitter @bondi_westaway

    Titled “When Depression took it’s final shot at me”

    Link is:

    https://www.facebook.com/100024873962992/posts/183068269198971/

    I hope this is something that your readers may want to read. Painful as it is, it’s something so many mothers face in silence.

  • Reply Postnatal Psychosis – Translation Trek August 16, 2018 at 6:21 pm

    […] singer Adele shared a link to a blog article about her friend Laura Dockrill’s experience of postnatal psychosis, an illness that affects 1 in […]

  • Reply Annie August 16, 2018 at 8:49 pm

    I’ve not cried this much since I was there myself. So so lovely and important and brave and heartbreaking and eye opening and brave, brave, brave. Thank you so much for putting words to so many of my thoughts that I’ll never myself be able to voice.

  • Reply Adele Wrote a Touching Post About Her Best Friend’s Postpartum Psychosis Recovery – Uniquecarts August 17, 2018 at 3:01 am

    […] included a link in her bio to Laura’s first-person blog post about her experience. In it, Laura documents what she calls “the worst time of [her] […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend's illness - LatestGlobalNews August 17, 2018 at 7:19 am

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Postpartum psychosis: Adele spotted her friend's illness - News-Upadates.net August 17, 2018 at 8:11 am

    […] says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia”, and has written a blog post to share her experience with mums who might be going through the same […]

  • Reply Jana alghamdi August 17, 2018 at 7:52 pm

    I love you Adele ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
    My name isJana Alghamdi

  • Reply Helen Grant August 17, 2018 at 10:43 pm

    Here is my postpartum psychosis story:
    https://translationtrek.com/2018/08/16/postnatal-psychosis/

  • Reply Adele posts tribute to best friend diagnosed with postpartum psychosis - ehealthbeautytips.com August 20, 2018 at 3:11 pm

    […] blog post about her experience with the mental health illness. In the post, hosted on site Mother of all Lists, Laura writes: Since having my baby boy in February this year I’ve been suffering from and […]

  • Reply Lisa Abramson August 23, 2018 at 8:25 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry you suffered. I’m a survivor of postpartum psychosis also. I shared my story at TEDx here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6glBDRZUAM0

  • Reply Kathie Walker August 23, 2018 at 9:45 pm

    Thiugh my beautiful daughter will be 40 in a few weeks, I still feel adhamed of my failure to bond at her birth. When the pediatrician rhetorically spewed, “What are you trying to do: starve her to death?”, I was so angry & more ashamed. A well meaning friend with no children would come by frequently to see me. She would bring a gallon of Cocacola & a batch of home made chocolate chip cookies to cheer me up. My blood sugar would soar then crash. When I told my husband os 6 years that I was taking the baby home to Canada with me, he asked when U would be back. I told him , when I wasn’t insane. My parents threw away the antidepressant my OB dr had put me on, & I was fed healthy homemade meals & no soda. They took care of my baby & me for 9 weeks. I came home to the US only because my maternity leave was over. I took enough antianxiety meds the day & night before, I should have died. I went back to work that first day & immediately fell right back into the rhythm of being an Intensive & Coronary care nurse & was healed. I knew how to do that. Without sleep for weeks & insane hormones, I couldn’t figure out how to drop into Mom mode. I threw the meds out & was fine. Except for the dark shame, all of these years later.

  • Reply Maria Jimenez October 13, 2018 at 5:44 pm

    Omg!! I can totally relate, my pregnancy was hard, almost miscarried at beginning then at 28 weeks went I to preterm labor was dilated to 3 cms and put on total bed rest!! My water bag then ruptured at 38 weeks and was induced as I never went I to labor. I pushed for 2+ hours and nothing then rushed to the or for an emergency c-section and were hospitalized for 10 days due to him not being able to maintain his temperature and had to be in an incubator at all times as well as on iv antibiotics. When we finally went home, he was sent home with antibiotics which caused a massive rash on his bum and turned bloody, would wake up every 2 hours to eat and I finally broken down at 5 weeks, no sleep losing more weight, I had lost 38 lbs during my pregnancy and looked totally unwell. My mom had mentioned it to our family doctor and he said that I needed help or I would get worse and he was my savior!! Had it not been for him, the meds the therapy I wouldn’t had made it at all Thank you for sharing your story

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