Mother of all Lists — Quit The Comparison

Quit The Comparison

Comparison is a real thing and its effect on our lives is real. This is why if you get platitudinal advice like ‘just get over it’, ‘just stop looking’, ‘just do your own thing’ when you are vulnerable in sharing your feelings, you need to exit the conversation as it’s not a supportive space for you. You are entitled to every single feeling and emotion you have and you are not weak or ineffective if comparison feels acute for you.
Sometimes our comparison is a false flag. Do you actually want they want? If no, draw a line under it and let it go. If you do then what are your reasons that are motivating you and driving you forward? Getting clear on these is rocket fuel for you dreams and cuts the oxygen off to comparison
You are somebody’s comparison trigger.
Yes even with all your flaws, mistakes and imperfections, you as you are right now are keeping someone awake at night.
It might be you are a historical comparison from when you were at school or it might be a stranger on the internet that doesn’t actually know you… think about who you compare yourself to, yep, it works both ways.
You are somebody’s comparison trigger – I will put money on it.
Having a strong sense of self and believing in your self worth (That’s a list on its own!) is such a comparison buster.
Start to activate this by choosing a word of the year that sums up your vision for what you want to experience it might be something like ‘Peace’, ‘consolidation’, ‘space’ if you are looking to slow down and take ownership of your life. Or it could be ‘smash it’, ‘expand’, ‘abundant’ if your vision for your life feels more buzzy. Choose yours. Own it. Align your thoughts and actions with it.
When we compare ourselves to others it’s a form of self-abandonment which is why our reactions can feel so emotional. It’s easy to rationalise but not always helpful in the moment – be kind to yourself and come back to yourself by taking some big belly breaths when you feel it start to sting you.
‘You are unique’ sounds like such a platitude doesn’t it? And yet put your fingers on your neck and tune into the beat of your pulse, the only one of its kind in the whole world, and you will soon start to feel and believe it.
The impulse is to run away from the comparison habit and push it down because the feelings that come with are so gross and uncomfortable, and yet, if you let it run through your system, you will slow down its build up and reduce its frequency.

Comparison tricks us into thinking that success is a zero-sum game – that a win for someone else is a direct loss for us but this isn’t true. Lucy Sheridan

So, if you think someone’s a bit smug the chances are you are too and similarly, if you think someone is a good laugh then it’s time to let your sense of humour shine too.
Where are you acting like a tribute act to other people? A tribute band can look and sound the same as the original act but just like Bjorn Again resemble BBA, they are never going to be the real thing! With that said, how does your comparison influence your thoughts, actions and behaviour? Follow these clues as they will help you unpick its grip on you. If you find yourself doing, saying or posting something because you think you should rather than because it comes naturally then that’s an area for attention
Your comparison is trying to reveal a hidden jewel of insight to you – a bit like that vintage favourite game show, The Crystal Maze, so notice what you notice.
For example, if your comparison is triggered when you see someone off on holiday again, what does this tell you about your need to travel? How are you serving that? In reality, someone else’s air miles have zero to do with the fact you have been ignoring your own need to get a change of scene.
Achieving your own version of happiness will not be a straight path and nor will it happen overnight. The most important question you need to answer to progress at the pace that’s right for you is “What’s my next right step?”. Keep repeating and answering that question and you will transform your life.
Comparison thrives when we feel isolated or unsupported. Jim Rohn wrote ‘you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with’ so, excluding children, who are the people that you would choose to associate with more? The ones that lift you up, challenge you in all the right ways and inspire you crack on in your own way? Seek them out and stick to them and reduce time with people that don’t make you feel good.

Comparison is a shapeshifter and although the individual you are comparing yourself to may change over time, the triggers and attributes are often the same e.g. love life, work, social etc and your assignment is to to heal your feelings of not being good enough in that area.
There’s no quick or easy road to success or happiness, no matter how we define those things. You may want the highlight or the milestone you see posted on social media, and yet, if you did you would have to take everything it took for them to make it – the tragedies, low points, bad choices, mistakes that person experienced. You may as well save yourself that pain and go on your own road!
‘Cool’ is a made up thing.
‘Popular’ is a made up thing.
‘On trend’ is a made up thing.
‘In-with-the-in-crowd’ is a made up thing.
What’s ‘going viral’ is a made up thing.
Numbers on social media denoting value or influence is a made up thing.
What’s the ‘next big thing’ on the internet is a made up thing.
But you know what’s REAL? You. Your dream. Your life vision. Your resourcefulness. Your abilities. Your pathway. Your story. So do what you can to connect with that real truth today – YOUR real truth.
Comparison tricks us into thinking that success is a zero sum game – that a win for someone else is a direct loss for us but this isn’t true. What you want is being held in trust for you but you have to go and meet it halfway to get it.
Every time you compare yourself to someone else you miss a chance to back yourself and instead turn your back on yourself. That’s part of the reason it feels like it really hurts.
The oak tree lives within the acorn. You are capable, resourceful, smart and persistent even if you are tired and don’t feel it everyday, this fact remains.
Your comparions doesn’t want you to know that though – how can it survive if you are thriving?

Lucy Sheridan is the world's first and only comparison coach who, through her private practice and workshops, has helped thousands of people go from compare and despair to #comparisonfree. Accredited by the Association for the Psychological Therapies, named as one of the New Wellbeing Specialists 2018 by The ST Style and praised as one of the UK's most successful coaches by The Times, she is an MTV approved coach and her work has been featured in global outlets such as Psychology Today, Forbes and Google Labs.