Reflecting On My Family Tree

  • NEWS FLASH, MURDER OF A BLACK MAN, nothing much has changed who feels it knows it something I grew up hearing.
  • I thought of times hearing my dad speak about leaving Jamaica and arriving in England how it was cold and he wanted to be back in Jamaica. He would mention the skinheads that would chase you throwing racial slurs on your heels or even ready with a deadly weapon. Back then he said we was fit as we played a lot of football so outrunning them was easy but you better take a route and don’t stop running until you reach your area
  • My Childhood growing up in Birmingham memories flooded back of how scared I was at hearing the adults of my family talk about the Handsworth Riots (I remember asking my mum would they get us as she tucked me into bed, I remember worrying about my dad as he went out that night).
  • Hmmm thinking of times in our history class obviously school taught The Great British History if you challenged the teacher you was asked to leave the class or even put in detention for a week
  • NATALIE you can’t do that BECAUSE YOUR BLACK those conversations came rushing back with the hard-hit of YOUR BLACK YOU HAVE TO WORK HARDER THAN WHITE PEOPLE. That’s where you learn about privilege but don’t really understand until the stereotypes start to cut away at you like invisible cuts as you go through school, college and the workplace. It can be lonely for us Black women in the workplace to ask a few and see how they really feel.
  • HEADLINES, mayhem, protests, fake new, real news.
  • You can’t speak about race without discussing politics both go hand in hand.
  • Why are we still crying as Black Mothers, grandmothers, sisters, cousins and aunties?How many more protests do we have to walk?
  • I don’t watch TV so my phone broadcasts the news that attaches itself to my thoughts, feelings and emotions
  • Conversations flood my home as I speak with my boys about the current time the importance of utilising their time, prepare and plan.
  • We have had conversations about racism.
  • I explained my worries as they are GROWING INTO YOUNG BLACK MEN the challenges that lie ahead I can only protect them up to so far when it comes to the system for Young Black Men aged 18. I had to be frank about the stereotypes that BLACK MEN either end up in jail or dead, he must think I’m crazy as I repeat the same thing each day to drum it into the young brain.
  • Did I mention the Tree?
  • Everywhere you turn you are reminded that your life, voice and rights as a black person are not valued or heard.
  • This comes into my head on some days that I could cry a river that runs for miles joining the river of tears dropping from the faces of women who represent my black face.
  • I ask myself, are people really BLIND to what’s happening in this world? It’s either they know, it don’t show or they just don’t care about what’s really happening.
  • 400 years plus of a system built and secrets never to be told.
  • I keep thinking of an extremely old tree growing in the deep of the forest just growing and growing getting nutrition from all that lives around it the hidden roots beneath the soil send out signals, leaves fall and grow back in the representation of systemic policies removed and replaced at a whim.
  • I logged into Instagram to see grown Black Men and women breaking down as all their emotions left their bodies, joining as one in unity sharing the same thought of PAIN as all memories from their childhood comes rushing back.
  • I cried for my sons even the sons that I did not birth somedays I silently cried as I fretted over the futures of my sons. Not only the police, job opportunities, everyday life occurrences that can severely change the routes of their lives, as a mom this really worries me and I PRAY for the safety and days ahead that I have no control over but that Saying You cannot control what others do or say but you can control yourself but would that even matter in the case of coming into contact with the police?
  • PANIC SETS in AM I DOING ENOUGH IN MY OWN FAMILY?
  • Music soothes the soul and mind comfort of words, stories that have already been told sound better played the second or third time.
  • The Internet just keeps finding me video after video, headline after headline, article after article leads me to turn over my very own stones through research and reading.
  • I have also had the urge to find out more about my ancestry family history conversations with my family in Jamaica increased.
  • My family tree I only know up to my great grandparents made me wonder about the rest of the Black community how much do we know?
  • Protest NO JUSTICE, NO PEACE, No RACIST POLICE, No Systems that don’t work for me let’s just be frank. I keep hearing IT IS WHAT IT IS in a lot of discussions pushing people to speak their truths as painful as they maybe.
  • Signs, words, signs, feelings, pain, expression, tears, stories shared from speakers at the protests asking you to repeat the names of those who have died at the hands of the police.
  • I stop myself from writing an explanation as I share images in my Insta Stories to the point that i just had to take time out – The book why I’m no longer explaining race to white people Author jumps into my head like an instant reminder.
  • I looked to see who had made movements in support of BLM with fashion and the arts I was disgusted at the lack of representation, especially from the brands that culture vulture from the culture.
  • I comment quite a bit on pieces that I like keeping the same energy sharing my feelings and emotions, taking time to scan the shared content.
  • The use and labelling through terms such as BAME probed me to do my own digging as to where this term originates from due to seeing a lot of people using abbreviations explain groups of people. I know I want to be referred to as BLACK WOMAN.
  • Old video content resurfaced as we share codes to unlocking the system left from our leaders from the Black Panthers, Angela Davis, Marcus Garvey, Malcolm X I discovered the old and new information to be just as powerful
  • Waking up at 5am each day to construct my idea.
  • Community is the way forward the words “It takes a village to raise a child”.