Mother of all Lists — Why Slow Living Was Something I Needed

Why Slow Living Was Something I Needed

I was 24 when I had my first child and the first of my friends to have a baby.
It was exciting to be the first one embarking on that adventure but also meant I didn’t have any point of reference in terms of new mums.
I’d never heard of the importance of slowing down postpartum and felt I had to and would easily manage to keep up with all of my friends.
So from the moment my eldest was born, there was no slowing down, life was as busy as ever.
I gave birth to our daughter at home, and the next evening our best friends came to meet her. We celebrated as we celebrated most things then – with an early evening trip to our local pub, our day-old baby in tow, to toast her arrival.
On the way home I was so sore! We had walked there (very slowly), had one drink, and as we walked back I needed the loo so had to go into a local restaurant.
Without my DIY squirty bottle to soothe post birth wees- it was agony! I remember thinking that maybe it was too soon to be out already, but I didn’t know any better, and at the same time was so happy to have had our first outing with our baby and our close friends.
Our daughter’s first year was full of so many special moments. When she was 2 months my husband (then boyfriend) ran the London marathon, while we cheered him on from the sidelines. We took her on her first flight when she was 2 and 1/2 months and continued to travel even more after that.
10 return flights with her before she was one! I jokingly called her first year my gap year- although even better- as I had her with me. We went everywhere together.
I also wanted to keep up with my friends who didn’t have children. I wanted to see them still and for them to know they mattered to me and that spending time with them mattered to me.
And I wanted to make mum friends with children my daughter’s age and that wasn’t possible without going out – joining new baby classes, saying hello to mums in coffee shops and the park etc.
We got married that year as well, an abroad wedding in France and for our honeymoon drove around France with our baby and our two dogs.
It was absolutely one of the best years of my life. But oh my word it was exhausting.
Trying to do ‘all the things’ often left me depleted, not fully present and anxious.
Shortly after our daughter’s first birthday we found out I was pregnant with our second. We had lost a baby in between the two and so I was coming to that pregnancy with a lot more anxiety.
I knew I wanted to do things differently, not only because I’d have two under two but because I knew how fast that first year would go.
I knew how quickly a baby becomes a toddler, and how quickly maternity leave turns to navigating return to work and so on.
I read a blog post by Steph Douglas about “pulling up the drawbridge” after birth and it really resonated, especially thinking about what a big change a new sibling would be for our one year old.
My husband and I decided we too would pull up the drawbridge and not have any visitors in the first fortnight after the birth of our second baby.
We’d been house hunting for a while and we finally found one. We decided to get to work to renovate it into our dream home before our second baby was born. It was a very close call – we were still doing building works and without a bathroom or kitchen at 30 weeks and with a toddler in tow.
It was hectic and stressful. And while our home was so beautiful, there were A LOT of tears in those final months of pregnancy.

Our second baby was born at home again and we had the first 2 weeks being just the four of us (six if you include our dogs which I do)
It was magical.
I didn’t leave the house for days, and then when I did it was for gentle walks (except for the time I went down the slide with my eldest a few days postpartum – but the less said about that the better).
I felt so sad when my husband had to go back to work. Those weeks had been utter bliss.
But he had to go back and I began to navigate 2 under 2.
A month later we had the first lockdown and suddenly, day after day, he was home.
Though the outside world was scary, our inside world was a dream come true for me.
He was home and able to help, and equally as important, able to see and experience our newborn in a way that dads working outside of the home often can’t.
There was no pressure to see anyone because we couldn’t see anyone and we could go at our own pace.
Those first months of lockdown were so special for us as a family
But the one thing we really struggled with, was our dream home not having much garden space
We would get up first thing in the morning (the only way we felt we could safely socially distance) to take our dogs and daughters for a walk in the park
We took a trip for our birthdays to our favourite place in France, near to where we got married, a rural, sunny, beautiful area
My husband was still working remotely, and so we asked ourselves “why don’t we move here until we have to go back to work?”
We returned home, packed some things, found a house to rent, and were back a fortnight later
We drove over with as much as we could carry (which wasn’t much) in the car
Two adults, two kids, two dogs and a roof box
But we had everything we needed

I felt like if I slowed down, I’d miss something. In reality I gain so much more. I say yes to the things I really want to do. I conserve my energy so that I can feel good, and be better for me and for those around me. Sydney Piercey

Since before lockdown I had been making toys and games from cardboard or household items for my eldest daughter
Crafting was my way of finding calm, and saving money and consuming less
So I made most of their toys
We had books, and would read a lot
And would spend most of our time outdoors
We had lunch together everyday
And so much more time together in fact
We didn’t know anyone at first so with no playdates or parties or arrangements we just relaxed. Went off on adventures sometimes
Or stayed home in the garden other times
And not only did we have much more time together as a family
I had much more time to get to know myself
And I learned that I can still let the people who matter to me know that they matter me even if I’m not physically with them
I became pregnant again with our third daughter and we chose to stay out in France
My husband’s company allowed him to continue to work remotely
And this is our life now
Our eldest is at school here, we both work here and we have found our community of friends
But life here is SLOW
In a country where everything shuts up at lunchtime, there’s no school on a Wednesday, and added to that, the fact we live in the middle of the countryside, living slowly is easily done
Though I feel it could be more do-able for everyone
Whilst we are in it, maybe we don’t see, that life is so full on
Work life, home life, having small children, or big children, having friends, having family, all such wonderful things, but can feel so hard to juggle constantly
I felt like if I slowed down, I would be left out, or my kids would be left out, or I’d miss something
In reality I gain so much more. I say yes to the things I really want to do. I conserve my energy so that I can feel good, and be better for me and for those ar
ound me.
I’m a lot more present, and a lot less anxious, and proud of myself for putting my own needs first.
3 children under the age of 4 is constant chaos! But at the same time there’s a real calmness in my life which comes from living at a slower speed.
In many ways I do and have less, but to me, I do and have more than ever.

Sydney Piercey is an author Mother of three who worked as an au pair and a nanny before having her own children and moiving to the French countryside. She is passionate about re-use, creativity and pursuing a slower, more sustainable life. Sydney has become known online for creating toys for her children from cardboard.